What If Venom Went To NYU?
By: John DiLillo and Tyler Stevens
This Friday, an NYU student will grace the silver screen. A star, you could say, will be born. With a star-studded cast, a hit song, and a rabid fanbase chomping at the bit, this film is sure to make audiences go gaga.
We’re talking, of course, about Venom. To answer your first question: yes, Venom is an NYU alum. And to answer the question you didn’t even know you had yet: yes, we spoke to him. Below is a brief transcript of our interview the man, the myth, the symbiote: VENOM.
Thanks for sitting down with us, Mr. V. To get things started, before we talk about the movie — tell us about your experience at NYU.
I don’t think I can talk about my experience at NYU without first mentioning my freshman year roommate, my good friend, my better half — Eddie Brock. I first met Eddie when we were freshmen. He was in CAS studying journalism and I was in Stern majoring in cryptocurrency. We hit it off in Third North 4 East Study Lounge and we’ve been inseparable ever since.
Well, that’s really nice — but we want to hear less about Eddie, more about Venom. What does Venom think of NYU?
I’m currently a senior so I’ve had a good four years of building strong, unbreakable bonds with the students and faculty at this university. I am living proof that students can enact change at a large, University-wide level. Last year, the administration approved my request to introduce Multi-Factor Authentication to every single NYU e-mail account. It was one of the proudest moments of my life.
That’s been a fairly controversial topic over the last year. What do you have to those who object to the MFA process?
They’re simply turds… in the wind. We can do whatever we want.
What aspects of student life have you enjoyed most at NYU?
Well, I gotta say — Tinder U has changed my life. But other than that, the dining halls have always been a particular sore-spot for me: no eyes, no lungs, no pancreas. Unless you know where to look. That’s why I always liked the Third North dining hall the best… until they ruined it. Other than that, the NYU College Republicans have been the most hospitable and welcoming group that any slimy piece of filthy goo could ask for.
What are your favorite places to go to in the city?
Well, you can never go wrong with Times Square. It’s got everything: Madame Tussaud’s, Olive Garden, even a shorter, sweatier version of my friend Spider-Man! Of course, there is a certain time of year when the entire city becomes Venom’s playground. That’s SantaCon, obviously.
Finally, what do you want our readers to know about your film before they go see Venom this weekend?
Well sure, starring in a movie is great. But I’m more excited for people to see another movie of mine that’s hitting theater soon. It’s been a real labor of love for me. That would be The Nutcracker and the Four Realms, which I wrote, directed, and produced.
Excuse me, you directed —
We regret to inform our readers that the audio transcript of the interview was cut off at this point, after Venom ate our intrepid reporter’s head. Venom opens in theaters nationwide Oct. 5.
