The Crying Corner: Best Friends, Frat Boys and Bad Art Edition

By Sad Mom

sad pug

Hello NYU students and aspiring teens! Welcome to The Crying Corner, our new column in which we cross every line and tell you exactly how to live your life. We will be taking anonymous questions from the student population every week and spewing out shitty, yet sometimes ingenious words of wisdom. Let’s get ready to get personal.

How can I fully move on from losing a best friend? We did everything together and now we don’t even speak anymore. I feel like she betrayed me and left me in the dust.

Oh man this is a tough one. Firstly, that’s a bummer and my condolences to your lost friendship. Instead of just harping on what you lost, think of the dope-ass friends you have who value you enough to stick around. Clearly friends who ditch you aren’t the kinds of people you want in your life, and accepting that as a fact is the first step in moving forward. Also hate-stalking their facebook and unfollowing them from social media is a good move. Remember that you’re obviously better, but also that your life is totally better without those who leave as quickly as JoJo left the pop music scene. Emerge from the dust with a thicker snake skin and also fuck that bitch.

What do you do if you’re dating someone who is really sweet and caring, but they make art that isn’t very good?

BREAK. UP. NOW. BYE.

I’m attracted to frat boys, but I know I shouldn’t want to date one. Should I not go for it or listen to my heart?

If his fraternity has been written up as being affiliated with any rape or hate-crime scandal then please save yourself the trouble. If he is hesitant to admit to being a frat, then sure, he might not entirely suck. Just take it slow because those boys can reveal themselves as either not horrible or entirely horrible. And your heart does not deserve horrible.

Where do I meet Jewish boys?

The fuck do I know? When you find out please tell me? My Bubby wants to be alive at my wedding.

Real answer: Bronfman Center on Friday nights, Chabad on Bowery, Kosher Cafe in Weinstein (also known as my personal purgatory in which I must interact with many boys I made out with in high school), my facebook friend list, Stern (sorry not sorry), Tinder.

How do you masturbate when you have a roommate? Want to get off, but feel constantly afraid they’re going to walk in.

Yo this is something I dealt with for three years so I hear you. I know it sounds like an uncomfortable thing to clear the air about, but you can get around this with just asking for your roommate’s general schedule. Also text them before you want to get down n dirty. They might think you’re annoying as hell OR that you’re a paranoid masterbater. Both are true. Own that shit.

What’s like the consensus on the eggplant emoji during sexting?

Eggplant = Dick. You’re already sexting so honestly use it as you please because penises are hilarious and why not.

Do you need advice? Email your questions to nyulocaleditor@gmail.com, subject line “The Crying Corner”.

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