Local Views: Make Some Hanukkah Movies, You Cowards!
By cowards, I of course mean Hallmark and Netflix.
It’s that time of the year again, the time when Hallmark and Netflix can’t go a day without releasing a new Christmas original. Meanwhile, when I try to find a list of Hanukkah movies to watch, at least half the movies on the list are Holocaust movies which, NO!
It’s time to fix this: Netflix and Hallmark, please make some actual cheesy, trope-ridden Hanukkah movies! Here, I already got the ball rolling for you by working with your favorite cliches. Also be warned, I followed a Hallmark format so these are very heteronormative and Ashkenormative, because Hallmark definitely doesn’t know that there are different types of Jews.
Is Fake Relationship Really that Fake? in Gimmel All Your Loving: In order to please her traditional mother, very single Molly Friedberg convinces her local Kosher baker Caleb Moskowitz to come to Hanukkah dinner and pretend to be her boyfriend. Things quickly go awry as Molly and Caleb begin to feel something more than they planned…
Two Strangers Get Stuck in a Storm Together in Oy to the World: Jenny Schwartz and Zach Goldstein, both accountants, get stuck in the airport together after their planes get grounded due to a massive storm. They get to know each other as they craft a makeshift Hanukkah celebration for other stranded passengers. But is what they have built to last once their planes get off the ground?
High School Sweethearts Reconnect in Equally Sweet Town in Home for the Challah-days: Sarah Schneiderman and Dr. Isaac Levine were the IT couple at Boca Raton High School but they haven’t seen each other since high school graduation. When they both come back to Boca for Hanukkah at the same time, they learn that they’ve each missed one another quite a bit more than they thought…
Shrill “Career Woman” Learns Love From Unambitious Man in Chai Life: Rachel Bloomfield is a “career woman” who likes to do work and stuff at a law firm. Adam Meyer does not like to work and just likes to watch baseball, hang out with his AEPi brothers, and play his guitar at Shabbat services. He’s the one who’s gonna teach her how to live her life properly, because feminism!
Regular Girl Falls in Love with a Prince in A Hanukkah Prince: Rebecca Hersh is just an ordinary girl who does ordinary things like shopping at Loehmann’s, eating black & white cookies, and teaching Hebrew School. So color her surprised when Prince Nathan Cohen of Herbrewvania falls head over heels for HER of all people. As she agrees to be his guest of honor at the annual Royal Hanukkah ball, she can’t help but wonder if this is really the life she wants for herself…
