Love stinks, yeah, yeah. And when you’re a student at NYU, not just love, but also like and lust all stink. Really bad. So here’s NYU Local’s newest column on dating: Violets Are Blue. Because we’re Violets. And we’re blue because we’re not getting any. Check in for regular updates on how to add a little romance in your life as an NYU Violet (just don’t tell Bobcat we’re cheating on him).
If you haven’t already looked up everyone on your roster before the first day of class, this is the week of waiting with bated breath and exposed ankle for the appearance of your semester-long love interest. Against the backdrop of your professor projecting your syllabus and carrying on about plagiarism, love (like, or maybe lust, rather) begins to bloom.
Some of us at NYU Local have repeatedly made the mistake of waiting until the semester’s end before laying our game on thick enough for any potential lover to notice. Our seniors especially have learned from seven bygone semesters that this week, right now, is the gestation period (to use a very appropriate, scary metaphor) that will actually yield whatever you are looking for: a date, a hookup, a spouse. So, what to do?
Pick a signature item: Bring something to class with you that will invite conversation. Extra points are awarded if it doubles as an object that you can use to avert any awkward gaze e.g. a thermos that you sip out of every time your teacher or your crush makes eye contact with you (That is, until you’re brave enough to make it back.) Kombucha also works very well, but be careful—you don’t want to attract the wrong sort of attention.
Do your homework: The classroom is actually an ideal courting environment. Don’t drop your pen or ask to copy their homework; come prepared and impress them with your brain. A mild-mannered challenge to their point in discussion will pique their interest rather than smother it. Be brave, young academics! And you might find yourself more than just intellectually stimulated.
Study migratory patterns; adopt similar strategies: Do they run out of class? Do they slowly pack up their things and wait for others to approach? Do they stay and talk to the teacher? Do they ask everyone about the homework the moment the teacher ends class? Figure out which type your crush is and become their complement. If you can, also come to class early a couple times these first few weeks to see if they’re that type. Pre-class discussion is often less awkward than catching someone after class and can lead to the coveted Facebook friend request.
Employ a wing(wo)man: Make friends with others in the class in order to decrease the social friction of asking your crush to hang out. This is also another tactic for obtaining the Facebook friend request (which leads to invitation to parties, the discovery of mutual friends, etc.). Friend-requesting your crush becomes much easier if you friend others as decoys. Also, once you gain the trust of this wing(wo)man, you can also straight up tell them about your crush and they can do some of the strenuous plan-making and social network request-facilitating on your behalf.
And as pious ascetics in the Holy Church of Clueless, we suggest that if all else fails, make like Cher Horowitz and send yourself chocolates. By midterms, you’ll have already fallen in and out of love and set your sights on a Bobst boyfriend.