It’s The End of The World: NYU Local’s Official Bucket List

It’s December 18, 2012. This means that in exactly three days from now, we could all be dead. Although the world is ending, it seems as if more students are stressed out about finals than they are about being obliterated. Yes, finals are coming and so is the end of the world, which means that there is no better time than now to just say, “YOLO!”

What better way to celebrate the end of the world than by creating your own bucket list of tasks to complete at NYU by the 21st of December? You only have a few days to live, so why not spend those that time being adventurous and exploring the depths of your inner party animal? J-Sex will finally be getting J-Sexy; we know that much. 

Here are a few tasks that made it onto NYU Local’s vaguely heteronormative, NYU-themed bucket list:

  • Have sex in Bobst
  • Smoke weed with Joan Torch
  • Smoke weed with Jules Martin
  • Smoke weed with J-Sex
  • Smoke weed
  • Get a stamp from Ryan Shrieber that officially marks Local as Pitchfork Lite
  • Do Drunk, Sober, High at a Tear It Up! event
  • Party in my freshmen dorm room and get written up
  • Scream something dumb and preachy about capitalism in a finance class
  • Finally get into a Stephen Duncombe class
  • Become more famous than Amanda Sarah
  • Have a personal driver for a month
  • Develop secret handshake with J-sex
  • Get to the top of the arch and have a party and feel like Marcel Duchamp
  • Flip a table on someone in a dining hall
  • Have sex on the roof of Bobst with the girl from Brizzy Voices on the roof of Bobst while she does the Pikachu voice
  • For that matter, get onto the roof of Bobst
  • Get my band on a Local Sounds mixtape
  • Party with Housie & the Bob Cat
  • Pee off of that one balcony where you can eat in the Kimmel cafeteria
  • Smoke a joint while walking down the entirety of Founders’ stairwell
  • Yell “PACK THIS MEAT” while throwing raw meat (preferably bacon+sausage) at freshman biddies who are clearly en route to meatpacking clubs
  • Get hazed by NYU frat and then report it to major news outle
  • Have sex in Bobst on ecstasy
  • Make every drink on this list
  • Get a job
  • EAT A HAYDEN COOKIE, BUT NOT THE NEW ONES, LIKE THE ORIGINAL ONES WITH THE MELTY CHUNKS OF CHOCOLATE
  • “Feel like a part of the NYU community”
  • Have a crazy blunted party on a plane to Abu Dhabi with J-Sex and 99 Hayden biddies
  • Take “The Actor’s Craft” and get naked with a bunch of Tischies for a grade
  • Sit in on a Hotel Management and Hospitality major’s class in SCPS. Everyone forgets about them but they’re the real people trying to run shit. Like, hotels and shit.

On the other hand, it can’t be the end of the world because I have Les Miserables has not come out yet and I will not die before I see that movie.

(image via)



6 Comments

  • Andrew Olshevski
    December 18, 2012

    Thousands of years from now, whatever civilization proceeds us will look back on this list and say Wow that’s what an immediately pre-apocalyptic society wanted as their last wish.

    #Awesome

  • Anna B.
    December 18, 2012

    Literally the stupidest thing I’ve ever read on NYU local.

  • Lauren Cooper
    December 18, 2012

    As a prospective student, I have no comment…haha

  • Liz Kelly
    December 19, 2012

    “Sit in on a Hotel Management and Hospitality major’s class in SCPS. Everyone forgets about them but they’re the real people trying to run shit. Like, hotels and shit.”

    Hey man, thanks for giving us a shout out. Everyone DOES always forget about us!

  • Joan Torch
    December 20, 2012

    I don’t smoke The Weed!

  • K. Peterson
    December 20, 2012

    Let’s all smoke weed with J-sex xoxo

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