NYU Hook Ups: A Facebook Page To Help You Lose Your Virginity Before Winter Break

This past weekend NYU Hook Ups — a new dating site (if you can even call it that) geared towards the sexually unsatisfied students of NYU — surfaced on Facebook and has quickly gained attention from a lot of weirdos and a few girls. Inspired by NYU MemesNYU Secrets, and NYU Compliments, NYU Hook Ups serves to match the lonely hearts of NYU based on gender, school, year, sexual orientation, and desired mate, but ends up looking like some busted version of Seeking Arrangement, except it assumes that everyone’s poor.

The site—which somehow guarantees 110% anonymity—currently hosts a wide variety of posts from freshman, grad students, and Sternies (to name a few), and promises only to cater to NYU students, although a Trinity undergrad seems to have mysteriously passed the two-step NYU student verification process.

Luckily NYU Hook Ups has arrived just as the semester draws to a close. With winter break quickly approaching sometimes it’s necessary to make sacrifices and, you know, take whatever you can get. Who’s stupid enough to forego no-strings-attached relations with strangers? Freshmen, I’m looking at you.

In less than a week, many of you cold and lonely teenagers will be returning to the suburbs for a month of sexless slumber in your childhood bedrooms, so there is no better time to lose it than now. What else are you going to brag to your friends about? They honestly don’t give a shit about New York. NYU Hook Ups is here to help!

In the wake of the “Replyallcalypse,” it seems as though students are readily taking advantage of platforms, like NYU Hook Ups, that reach a lot of people and are willing to play host to their benign immaturity. One Gallatin freshman (class of 2069), for example, is concentrating in Kama Sutra and looking for “any female with a pulse and a functional uterus.” Cool. Another poster—a 25-year-old Journalism grad—wants “Quality sex. No less, no more,” which might not seem so bad, except 25-year-olds should never be allowed to write “I am legendary for my ability to make my girls squeal” on the internet (by the way, that does say my girls).

However it’s those ridiculous little blurbs encouraged at the end of the every “profile” that increase the site’s entertainment value. While sincere posters (if that’s even possible), like Number 15, admit to loving long walks on the beach, Number 28, on the other hand, writes, “When harbling a yak in the backcountry, it is IMPERative, to milk your yak before sunset,” which makes it sound as though he (or she?) is trying to pedal us Morphine in the deep web.

The site has already set one couple up, a pair of gay sophomores from Steinhardt:

Seeing as the site is less than 48 hours old, it’s difficult to predict its ultimate popularity and success. NYU Hook Ups seems to have attracted a lot of attention and is currently backed up with private reply requests.

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see where this goes—in the meantime, at least we have the site’s own Dr. Love’s weekly sex positions to keep us occupied.

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