High school is a crazy place—especially if you went to a big one, where the names and faces of everyone seemed to blur into an enormous, judgmental mass of acne and Converses. Sometimes, it can feel like technology is that way too. The iPhone 5 and MP3s, 4s and 5s and Androids and-who’s using Google Maps now?- can all seem to blend into that enormous mass, judging if you’ve got the right music player or app or favorite site. Despite all the confusion, a few good things stand out on campus as helpful tools and impressive ideas. And so we present NYU’s tech start-ups if they were kids in my high school.

The Jock

NYU Football alum Jason Scherr and Matthew Sigma are living vicariously through their son Tivity. Tivity is all about sharing athletic events and tracking his athletic activity. He plays varsity football, basketball (state champs!), lax, and baseball. He posts online that he just benched 240, and all his bros comment and compare their stats at the last game.

Word on the street is he just outran the quarterback during practice and just updated his profile to challenge others to beat it. When his dad, the coach, won’t let him in the house until he fixes his free throw, he goes online and gets some local grads to help him out. He won’t stop bragging that his team just got into the the  StartFast Venture Accelerator and how he just got a free ride to the  NYU-Poly Varick Street Incubator.

The Honors Student

Young parents Sam Haddad and Ezra Mosseri were college sophomores when they had Exceleratr, but they made sure that she did not make the mistakes that they did and that she would get into a good college. She worked at a soup kitchen, raised money for the homeless, and taught underprivileged youths when she wasn’t playing three varsity sports, running student council, and doing all her AP work.

Now a senior on her way to Yale, Harvard, or (God forbid) NYU, she’s added another extracurricular to her after-school list: helping freshmen succeed as much as she has. She created an online forum so high school students can learn about and share extracurricular activities, internships, and opportunities outside of school to volunteer and work on padding those college applications.

The Most Popular Girl in School

Flutterway has it all: blonde hair, tan skin, cool phone, and even a little butterfly tattoo on her lower back (I heard she got it on Spring Break in Cancun). Most importantly, she knows everything about everyone. Her dad, Gurkaran Singh Gulati, knows people in the tech world, so her phone is programmed with this beyond-crazy technology that’s still in beta testing (it’s probably from, like, Japan). Texting is so yesterday to Flutteraway, she can record her voice and send it to people, so there’s no confusion to whether that “Nice top” was meant to be nice or mean (definitely mean. That is the fugliest effing top I’ve ever seen).

When she hears that Ricky kissed Rachel when he was supposed to be with her, she can instantly record it to her phone and post it on her profile, so everyone knows that Ricky has herpes. Flutterway is so cool she won the Startup Weekend San Diego challenge sponsored by Google- and she doesn’t even live in San Diego.

Ed. Note: A previous version of this post incorrectly stated that Mr. Stornelli’s salary was six figures, the post has been changed to say that it was his company’s revenues that almost totaled to that number. NYU Local apologizes for the error.

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