Eric: Fancy meeting you here… on the Internet
Jeremy: Yea…what a coincidence…
Eric: Jokes, we have a column to do. Of course we’re here at the same time.
Jeremy: Of course. Now after the epic novel that was our last column, we’ve decided to cut down a little bit on our witty and insightful commentary. It will be missed.
Eric: But I like informing the masses on how I feel about football. WHO ELSE AM I GOING TO TALK TO ABOUT THE FOUR-THREE DEFENSE dies slowly
Jeremy: Its okay buddy, we’ll get through this together. But we’ve got a lot cover, especially after a wild week one. So lets dive it right into it. Chicago at Green Bay, which happened last night?
Eric: I don’t know, I spent all my cable money on 40s and artisan cheeses
Eric: on the Sunday games afternoon games!
Eric: First up, Bucs/Giants. After getting a Texas-style smackdown from Tony Romo and Those Other Guys Who Are Not As Attractive as Tony Romo, I think the Giants come back and squash the Bux
Jeremy: Although Josh Freeman is poised for the comeback season, I’m definitely going with the Giants too. Getting out of New York away from the media will do some good to the G-men.
Jeremy: Next up, Baltimore at Philly. Joe Flacco really looks like a changed man this year, and it’s interesting to see how this team is starting to shift away from a high-powered defensive focus towards a potent offense. I’ve got the Ravens winning big here.
Eric: Andy Reid’s play calling: 56 pass, 30 running. GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF A CHEESESTEAK. You have LeSean McCoy and a rickety Vick. Def going with the Ravens, out of spite for the Iggles coaching staff.
Eric: Cardinals vs Patriots. Hmmmm, Tom Brady or Kevin “Corn on the” Kolb? HMMMMM. I’m going with Tom Brady’s team. 35-10, Pats
Jeremy: Is Kevin Kolb going to finally turn it around? He definitely looked like he just might last Sunday, and coach Ken Whisenhunt is going to be starting him this weekend. They just knocked off a division rival, they’re riding high, but this one’s in New England, so I think New England’s still got this one, but expect it to be closer than you think.
Jeremy: Jesus Christ, looking at this schedule, I might just sleep in and skip the 1:00 games. I mean, who actually wants to watch any of these: Cleveland at Cincinnati = Midwestern Garbage Bowl,
Eric: Chiefs-Bills: The Leah Clancy Inaugural Buffalo Garbage Bowl
Eric: Oakland Raiders- Miami Dolphins: The Old People Having Fun But Stay Away From Us Garbage Bowl
Eric: Rapid fire: Cincy, Bills, Raiders win
Jeremy: For me I’ve got Bengals, Chiefs, and da Raidas!!!
Jeremy: Al Davis would be proud
Eric: in his grave. Because he is dead.
Eric: or maybe he’s a zombie
Eric: or Jesus
Eric: Evil Jesus
Jeremy: but onto the last two 1:00 games; first up, New Orleans at Carolina. Who would of thought New Orleans would play that badly. This just proves that coaches really do matter in this league, and anyone who thinks differently is lying to themselves. When you go from Sean Payton to basically the water boy, things are going to get ugly.
Eric: Exactly, point proven by Mr. Griffin the Third. On the other hand, the Carolina run game kind of forgot how to use their legs. the entire team: 10 yards, 13 carries. Oh lord. I’m picking the Saints to come back, in honor of Jonathan Vilma’s lawyers
Jeremy: Yea, you kind of have to go with New Orleans by default here.
Eric: Shame on you, Cam Newton, if you’re reading this
Eric: Last game of 1pms: Texans-Jaguars. The nickname of the QB for the Jags is “YoGabbaGabbert.” Shame on you. Taking the Texans.
Jeremy: Yea, I think the Texans are actually going to pretty deep in the playoffs, they’ve got that Matt Schaub-Arian Foster combo, plus a pretty good defense. Texans for me in this one.
Eric: 4:05: Washington-St. Louis. Washington conundrum:
Eric: Pro: Robert Griffin the III. Con: racist team names. I’m torn. Jeremy, pick for me
Jeremy: I’m jumping full-heartedly on to the RG3 bandwagon. This team is going places, and this Rams team will be a cakewalk for them.
Eric: Cowboys-Seahawks. Although Bill Simmons had to change his pants after watching Russell Wilson play football during the preseason. The Cardinals disagreed. However, the game is in Seattle, pretty much the best home field advantage in the game
Jeremy: Yea, I’m going with the Seahawks, partially out of my West Coast favoritism and hatred for anything for Texas, and partially because that Seattle defense can play with any team in the league. When Wilson goes home in front of that crowd, he is going to play better, and that’s all they need to be that team Bill Simmons dreamed of.
Eric: The entire Grantland staff just got aroused, and no one knows why
Eric: Jets-Steelers. The blessing of Tebow is upon the Jets. Rex Ryan is skinny, Mark Sanchez is playing football, and Shonne Greene did stuff! Taking the Jets over the Steelers in a close one 17-14
Jeremy: I’m going Steelers there, but just barely. Next up Titans at Chargers. These are two teams that could easily make the leap, but they seem pretty content staying mediocre. Phil Rivers is going to bounce back this year, but the problem is he doesn’t have as many targets to throw to as last year. He better get used to throwing to Antonio Gates. But I’m going with the Chargers here, it’s hard to go east to west like that.
Eric: WAIT. NEW KANYE SONG FEATURING R. KELLY. DANCE BREAK. http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthis/kanye-west-unveils-new-song-featuring-r-kelly
(also, I agree. Ryan Matthews runs good. Chargers win)
Jeremy: I think you mean Matthews runs “well”. C’mon you English major.
Eric: nope. I meant good.
Jeremy: Last game of Sunday, Detroit at San Francisco
Eric: If there were ever a D to contain Calvin Johnson, it would be the 49ers
Jeremy: This seems like it might be close, but honestly, this one will be a landslide. Matthew Stafford threw three picks in his last game, and there could have easily been a couple more in there too. Now the Lions come to San Francisco, who might be the best team in the NFL, and have to play against that defense? Yea, good luck with that.
Eric: LAST ONE, Monday Night
Eric: Broncos-Falcons. Key stat: Falcons were like 6-2 at home. And guess where the Broncos are going? No deoxygenated air in the Dirty South. Taking the Falcons. Also, Peyton Manning is an old, decrepit man.
Jeremy: While Peyton actually played pretty well for basically having his head ripped off last year, it’s got to be the Falcons. Matt Ryan scored 31 points for my fantasy team last week, and I expect him to do the same again. (Please Matty Ice, I’m probably going to lose if you don’t!)
Eric: Haha, everything is about the fantasy team
Eric: alright, I’m gonna go listen to this Kanye track about 20 times
Eric: Mitt Romney don’t pay no tax
Eric: Mitt Romney don’t pay no tax.
Jeremy: Oh, Kanye you crazy…