Hooters is not known for its food. This is a mistake that a lot of people make. The somewhat-identifiable logo featuring the Hooters owl would lead you to believe that it is a place for owls. This is also a mistake.

Hooters, for some, is actually a family restaurant. Really, there were a good amount of children there. (This might also be a mistake.)

Let’s take a look at the Hooters experience: from the food, to the staff, to things happening at Hooters.

The food was great. The Hooters menu has a variety of things (which no one orders) as well as a number of different types of wings and sauces (which people do order). However, let it be noted that none of the wing choices were owl wings, which seems strange considering their mascot is an owl.

The wings, also, were just fine.

Let’s talk women. According to Wikipedia, some Hooters establishments employ male hosts. This, however, turned out not to be one of those progressive Hooters, at which point I crumpled up the job application I had pre-written. As it were, my particular waitress was named Angel. She served wings well. She also did well at pretending to laugh at my jokes, which included lines such as: “Do you guys have milkshakes?” (Then half-immature joke about boobs, half-genuine inquiry on behalf of my dad.) And: “Did you guys ever consider making the inside of this place a bounce house?” (100% a  joke about boobs, though still something my dad has been curious about.)

She laughed at these, but she shouldn’t have.

The signature Hooters uniform – consisting of small, orange shorts, a white tank-top, and strange dark tights meant to sort of match the waitresses’ skin tone (but not doing that just enough to be noticeable) – was no more provocative than most outfits visible on the street. Most outfits on the street, in fact, look better than the Hooters girls’ outfits, not because of provocativeness, but just because they better adhere to reality: No one really wears orange shorts anymore.

The celebrity presence at Hooters was undeniable. The walls were adorned with pictures of retired Miami Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino. Each photograph (there were three) featured Marino in a different outfit. He’s reportedly been there multiple times. The same girls were in all three pictures. Angel was in all three pictures.

Hooters is great for large parties but conversely a bad place to spend time. Consider it next time you have a get-together with a bunch of people you don’t like. Get the wings, they’re fine. Request Angel – she knows Dan Marino. It’s a good time.

Hooters is located on 57th St. and 7th Ave. Hooters is good. Hooters is fine.

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