Fellow NYU Local writer and Tisch student Ken Greller once said something along the lines of, “I just can’t fathom what goes on in a Stern class.”
Indeed, the world of Stern is largely foreign to those not studying business, which is why we have all these stereotypes about J.P. Morgan internships that pay $1 million/hour, more Asian people than Asia itself, and competitive suit-wearing as a sport. So we, Eric Silver and Sharon Wu, volunteered to find out what exactly goes on in a single Stern class. And we live blogged it, naturally.
Eric, a CAS junior studying English and creative writing, and Sharon, a CAS senior studying sociology and history, are both inclined towards careers that involve much writing and little money. Neither have any desire to ever enter the business world, although both of their fathers would like that very much. We two brave souls entered Investment Banking with Charles Murphy, a former senior advisor for Credit Suisse, with absolutely no knowledge of investment banking.
Both of us are guilty of making fun of people in Stern. We both left pleasantly surprised at the amount of interesting information we learned — that is, interesting enough for non-Sternies to understand. And we both left unpleasantly jealous of all the practical information dispensed to Stern students who will graduate with applicable degrees and enter professions filled with money money money.
Here goes:
3:26– This classroom is way nicer than any classroom in Silver. Electrical plugs everywhere, nice reclining chairs, big windows, dual screens for projectors. We instantly feel cheated of NYU tuition.
3:28 – Check out all the dudes in this class, it’s like a testosterone overload. Sharon is aroused.
3:29 – We try to decipher the flowchart we picked up at the beginning of class. It says something about Carlyle Holdings and operating entities. We understand none of it. Eric suspects that his dad, a foreign currency banker at CitiGroup, is weeping right now.
3:36 – The professor on Bill Clinton: “Really good president, had a couple problems, but we all do.” So true.
3:37 – “I can’t pick on Alan Greenspan too much, since he went here.” Everyone in class laughs. Hurray for self-congratulatory humor.
3:40– “Investment bankers aren’t necessarily bad people.” We think this is the motto of Stern, and professors are required to say it at least once per lecture.
3:42 – The professor talks about the huge mistakes made by the economic community. His follow up: “In 10 years, the MBA students will blow up the world.” See, this is why they don’t let English majors in there. There would be at least five comparisons to dystopian literature and ten poems written by the time class ends.
3:45 – “Look at this room. Where is the next economic center gonna be? Shanghai, Mumbai, Hunan!” Fact: everyone knows the demographic breakdown of Stern. Even the professors.
3:47 – The professor keeps looking in our direction. Eric breaks into a cold sweat every time. Sharon giggles and continues to text, all while taking sporadic notes.
3:50 – Stern Bro #2 answers the first question of the class. We feel proud knowing him.
3:52 – Stern Bro #2 answers another question! Bro – 2, everyone else – 0.
3:54 – In 10 years, the professor thinks we will all have chips in our head. And apparently, this technology has already been created. The entire class has just collectively pooped themselves.
3:56 – Stern Bro #2 answers yet another question. Eric now hates him more than the guy with a suit or the guy with the moped. And another guy with a suit just stepped in 26 minutes late. Awkward. His suit can’t save him now! Screw him and his blue paisley tie.
3:59 — Another quote from the professor: “There’s more shit on your phone than you will ever use in your entire life… Old people like phones with big buttons and no options, because that’s how their brains work.”
4:02 – The first inkling of jealousy. The professor is actually dispensing essential information about the jobs the Stern students will eventually get. He describes who will hire you, where to go, and who’s rising in the economic world.
4:07 – “This class is about integrity… you may tell a company not to do a deal… If this is a big deal and you may have had a crappy year, and you won’t get a bonus.”
4:10 – Professor asks for the students to take our name plates. Only a few students start digging through backpacks, one of which is Stern Bro #2. Ugh. Sharon notices that the desks have special slots for name plates. Silver definitely doesn’t have those.
4:13 – We have reached the fourth reference to beer in this lecture.
4:14 – Essential data: There are 850 million cars in the world. Also, there are 1.8 billion laptops, 4.9 cell phones, and 6 billion people. And because a big chunk of the world’s population is babies and people who can’t afford cell phones, this means that another big chunk of the world’s population has multiple cell phones.
4:17 – The professor just explained the revolution of money and eliminating cash. In Korea, people have cell phones with credit and there are terminals for swiping the phone. Our minds have been blown. We still have half the class to go.
4:19 – This is the third time the class has been called smart and cheap. Eric is honored. Sharon giggles and texts and takes notes.
4:20 – Protip: NYUWireless doesn’t work in the Stern building, as the school has its own wireless, “SternOnTheMove.”
4:29 – We can’t tell if this is what people who know exactly what they’re talking about sound like, or if this guy is just a really good professor. Eric has only been tempted to check Facebook once.
4:38 – After a long speech and a story about a private equity firm, a simple flowchart comes on screen. “Find an undervalued company, buy it and take it private, fix it and restructure back to health, exit it and make $$$” The simplicities are the foundation of economics. That’s why you gotta be smart to be in Stern.
4:45 – Class is over. Everyone frolics outside to enjoy the exclusive Stern Carnival. Eric and Sharon aren’t invited and feel cheated of NYU tuition, once again.
wow, this class seems deep. thanks for the timeline XD
Everything that is taught at Stern is practical and valuable to the real world. I love the rest of the school’s fascination with how great Stern is.
P.S. your dad is a “foreign currency banker at Citigroup” ??? He’s either in investment banking or in FX sales and trading.
Yes, my dad is in FX sales and trading. I know what my dad does, but the simplified, much less precise version is “foreign currency trader.”
Surprised we don’t have an uproar from CAS or Tisch. They tend to be very anti-Stern. But note that Stern has actually moved from the blue color in their logo to purple… that’s improvement eh?
Also a few things about facilities. Facility improvements really have nothing to do with tuition… if CAS alum actually gave back to the school… then CAS would be able to upgrade its facilities. Btw… when I went to Stern… our facilities were pretty crappy.
Now wouldn’t it be interesting to know what professor it was.
you guys should do one for upper level tisch and poly lectures, the latter wouldn’t be so much fun though ;-;
See the humanities are worth a damn after all,
nicely done.
Now try to get away with that same schtick at a Law School.
Yeah if you could somehow sneak into an Acting studio day that would be amazing
Take a Gallatin seminar.
CHARLIE MURPHY IS A BOSS.
According to my mentor who knows him professionally, Charlie Murphy is a sweet and atypical investment banker. Now, as a former Sternie, I’m regretful that I didn’t take this class with Prof. Murphy… sounds like a lot of fun (and useful too). I’m sure at one point I dropped this class in pursuit of the supposedly more ‘hardcore’ finance course… uh, what a mistake!
@Jack W. “Crappy” is a very, very relative term..
This article is fantastic and hilarious. Now you should get a Stern student into a CAS lecture!
Amazing article. Next step: get a Stern student into a Gallatin seminar
Of course, the invaders couldn’t record everything said, and one gets the sense this was a class early in the term, but consider the banality of what the professor said that they found so practical and useful –”Find an undervalued company, buy it … ” That is the moral equivalent of the famous “secret” of success in the stock market: “buy low, sell high..” The rest of what is quoted should be common knowledge to anyone who reads the papers — there are emerging economic power houses, there are an astounding number of cell phones and computers out there, etc. And even that most people not only don’t use all the apps their equipment will support, but most don’t want to. It’s never fair to judge a course — much less a whole field like business education — by one course, much less one lecture, but if this is what the Stern students are getting, it’s not the CAS types who should be questioning what they get for their tuition.
I just want to say this article is one of the most hilarious thing I have ever read in my life. I wish I can meet the two authors. You guys are sooooooo funny.
@walt slocombe
You’re taking this WAY TOO seriously. They weren’t judging the course or anything. They just though it would be funny to sneak in a Stern course and tell everyone else the experience, which is hilarious. And your last sentence is so offensive. Who are these “CAS types” you talk about. Shouldn’t every student have the right to know how the school spends their money, and protest if they think it isn’t used correctly? And that’s beside the point, it was just a funny article, chill out :/
@Walt: This was maybe the third lecture in the course. Of course, I am sure there were much more technical aspects, the tone of the article wouldn’t be matched if they authors started talking about Discounted Cash Flows, EBITDA multiples, Adjusted Present Values, Weighted Average Cost of Capital, Leveraged Buy-Outs,and the like. The courses at Stern are rigorous and demanding, and the professional community recognizes that, which is why we are recruited so aggressively. Yes, we do learn all of that technical analysis, but for two students studying completely unrelated topics, that means absolutely nothing, and it is this “common knowledge” that has the most impact. Furthermore, before the professor gets into any real difficult technical analysis, they do need to cover the basics. You need to walk before you can run, even if you had a course on walking and running before (if that analogy makes any sense at all, lol).
[...] we are fascinated by you from afar, oh land of plenty, there’s just no way for us to reconcile our bohemian renegade lifestyle [...]
So, may I point out that Stern tuition is actually more expensive than the rest of NYU. “Cheated out” is inaccurate and frankly seems quite childish.