Although it may seem democratic in its distribution and quality of study areas, Bobst Library contains a clear “best place” to hear oneself think. Use the following directions to find the tiny locus that amplifies, via freak acoustics, even the tiniest whisper to what many would consider an unmanageable and frightening volume.

Direct your gaze (the trajectory of your voice following) to the center point between items 110 and 112 [Editor's Note: At press time Cheetos and Doritos, respectively] within the vending machine sixth from the right of the entrance to the food rotunda on Lower Level One. Eyes fixed on this point, back slowly away from the machine. If it is necessary to “cover” the peculiarity of your actions in light of bystanders (microwaving, buying from the very machine that is the object of your attentions, staring), adopt a look of revulsion, subvocalize words such as “ammonia,” “high fructose corn syrup,” or “monosodium glutamate” as you tread backward to simulate a renouncement of processed foods or a deep-set personal bias.

Would-be companions pacified, direct your gaze downward to the tiles of the floor without breaking focus or spatial orientation. You will need to triangulate your location and direction, making use of the tiles:

1. Use left-most wall of the recessed vending machine alcove as a reference. Note tile directly beneath its edge (usually home to a small waste bin).
2. Count backward four tiles–because tiles are offset, count first the tile beneath the recessed nook, then the tile behind it and to its left, then move to the tile behind and to the right of this tile, and so on. This avoids veering off-course diagonally.
3. The fourth tile has dark streaks on the middle of its right side. These streaks terminate on the rightmost edge of the tile in a dark splotch. Place the toe of your left shoe behind this splotch.
4. Place your right shoe in line with your left–you should now be straddling the crack between the original tile and the tile to the direct right of it.

Now, standing close to the center of the rotunda, renew your gaze between item 110 and item 112 and vocalize. Begin with very small consonant-heavy sounds, gradually increasing in volume and guttural quality–enthusiasm sharply rising and blood aggressively pulsing in your temples–as you develop a sense of the power of the acoustic condensing, which amplifies the sounds you make extremely precisely, as if the words you are speaking are not leaving your head and reentering your ears but are channeled directly into your brain to form a personal and quasi-internal monologue with exquisite fidelity. After attaining the proper volume control, this magnification will only be apparent to your person; little attention will be paid from microwavers/passers-by, providing relative restraint is maintained.