Four horsemen of the apocalypse the download.png” alt=”ComputerLocked” width=”228″ height=”225″ />Kelly Burke, a Junior studying Journalism here at NYU, decided to spend a week without television, internet, new media, or any other forms of technology you could imagine conservative groups claiming has negative effects on “the youths.” That means no Facebook, no Twitter, no 30 Rock, and worst of all, no NYU Local. I’m sure you’re wondering why anyone would ever want to make that kind of sacrifice, so we sat down with Kelly to find out just what happens when you can’t update your Facebook status for such a grotesque length of time.

Kelly had initially set out to go Amish and abandon all forms of technology, but pressure from her teacher to not create the suggestion that she had possibly died combined with an unawareness of just how many things constitute as technology prevented her from doing so. After all, Metrocards and indoor plumbing are technically technology as well. Instead, she spent the week denying herself things like MyLifeIsAverage and, as I’m sure you can imagine, she quickly became bored. HerLifeIsAverage.

Rather than being physically and mentally tarnished, like this poorly narrated video commentary some guy made of her experience would suggest, she was mostly just lethargic the whole time. That video also notes that she twittered away most of her time, but I think that was just an unintentional and unfortunate double-meaning, because Kelly claims to have not tweeted even once that week. Instead of utilizing the countless hours she did not spend on Facebook to cure Cancer, she spent more time sitting around her dorm, playing Solitaire (the kind that doesn’t involve your computer). In fact, the only problems she had were related to NYU, which means it was a completely normal week. Ironically enough, it’s practically impossible to get a book from Bobst without using a computer to locate it first.

However, she was able to recall some peculiar behavior during the arduous week. In order to cope with her lack of relevant political information during her time in Solitaire confinement, she went so far as to purchase what some scholars have historically referred to as a “newspaper,” but then noted that nothing really happened of any importance anyway. Some of her conversations needed a little catching up, as one friend wished to speak about that week’s episode of The Office, but alas, Kelly had not seen it. Kelly claims they are still friends anyway. She also missed the premiere of Lady GaGa’s Bad Romance, which is truly the closest parallel of this experience with that of Ray Bradbury’s “All Summer in a Day.”

When I asked her how it made her feel to be tortured like this, she realized that in light of the fact that she had been eating earlier and sleeping both earlier and longer than usual during that week, it made her like an elderly person. In fact, she even told me in the interview that she couldn’t stand all the noise in Bobst without her iPod. Perhaps all our grandparents need to feel relevant again is an iPhone, provided they use it correctly.