Ever wonder what Bobst Library is thinking when you’re inhabiting its lower levels and riding up and down its midsection? Well, fantasize no longer. @NYUBobstLibrary is on Twitter and he isn’t holding back. At all. We’re warning you, Kimmel and Silver.

Here’s a tweet about Elmer’s thoughts on his body structure:

• “I may be a building but that doesn’t mean I don’t have an awesome set of human genetalia. Ps. Come inside of me.”

And on his sexual desires:

• “I WANNA HOLLAH FOR A DOLLAH, GET SOME PUSSY FOR A PENNY- I DON’T CARE IF SHE GOT AIDS.”

Of course, @NYUBobstLibrary spares no remorse for other NYU buildings. Freshmen, cover your ears:

• “Thought I bought sum coke frm the waverly buildng but it turnz out THAT SHIT WAS JUST CRUSHED UP BIRTH CONTROL. Bitch I want my money back”
• “nvm, gunna get laid by hayden. what a SLUT. hollah at silver though, i know that motherfucker is there.”
• “I tried on my fat jeans nd they were 2 small.I rly need to hit da gym. Maybe Rubin will go running wit me. Rubin has huge tits. Bouncebounce”

But reading between Elmer Holmes’s vulgar language reveals a sense of insecurity and loneliness. Here at NYU Local — where we use the library only to hold meetings, no more — we wonder what exactly lies inside the barren cube of Bobst Library. Telling signs:

• “YO BRITTANY HALL Why ain’t you returnin my txts?? I knw ur gettin them. My big red brick heart is straight up breakin. Imma be single 4evr”
• “I know you may think that I’m easy- but I’m still a library and I have serious emotions. And also serious opinions- about health care even.”

For questions and concerning regarding personal health and safety, please call the NYU Wellness Exchange at 212-443-9999. We’re here for you, Elmer!

Note: @NYUBobstLibrary is not to be confused with @bobstlibrary, which appears to be the Twitter account for an actual library.

Photo by Flickr user uraimo used under a Creative Commons license.