New York Magazine and a few NYU seniors are very concerned for the social well-being of this year’s freshman class. I mean, god forbid the youngins still find themselves smoking hookah at Horace on Laguardia in November. So, in an attempt to shepherd the confused New York implants towards less embarrassing hangouts in a timely fashion, the magazine and three choice seniors you’ve probably never heard of have compiled a list of options to keep the new kids entertained on the cheap.

A few of their choices make the cut while a handful make us wonder how they’ve been in New York this long without learning anything. (Like The Blind Tiger on Bleecker. That place is right near me and always smells vaguely of fart and frat, artisanal beers be damned.)

Full list with our commentary after the jump. (With their commentary here.)

1. Su Casa (404 Sixth Ave.)- They like it because there’s no cover and alcohol is served in large quantities. We like it because it’s located over a Qdoba, which means it’s classy.
2. The Blind Tiger Ale House (281 Bleecker St.)- This group of distinguished night life mavens calls The Blind Tiger “The Happening Bar.” See “fart” above for our rebuttal.
3. Eva’s (11 W. 8th St.)- Great call. The cheap as hell vegetrian food makes it worth braving the thoroughly icky looking facade.
4. Milon (93 First Ave.)- Another legit suggestion. Eating at Milon is like sitting inside a particularly ridiculous Christmas tree that is having a seizure. (Yes, in this scenario Christmas trees have seizures.)
5. Ost (441 E. 12th St.)- If you want to keep your coffeehouse “studying” a little closer to campus, Think on Bowery and Bleecker isn’t as packed as the clusterfuck that is Think on Mercer. That said, awesome $3 hot chocolate may be worth the extra blocks.
6. C.O. Bigelow (414 Sixth Ave.)- Don’t bother unless you’re a girl looking for makeup. Or a guy in need of eyeliner– we don’t judge.
7. Aldo (700 Broadway)- Their go-to spot for “Stylish Accessories.” Really? Because that sounds like the worst idea ever. Aldo’s fine and everything, but Topshop, H&M and maybe even Forever 21 are all better for the same-ish price.
8. Warehouse Wines & Spirits (735 Broadway)- Never will I say a word against this emporium of cheap alcohol. (Mostly because never have they carded me.) Get in the cash only line, hold your breath, cross your fingers, and pray that the dude at the register will be too distracted by your cleavage to notice that you look like you’re 12.
9. Shakespeare & Co. Bookstore (716 Broadway)- Close to campus and chock full of things actually worth reading, this place is pretty cool. Also try BookBook, which just opened at Bleecker and Morton. They magically have really low prices on half their stock.
10. Jivamukti Yoga (841 Broadway)- We remain loyal to Yoga To the People on St. Marks. Crowded though it may be, it’s $0-$2 unless you’re feeling generous. You can’t really compete with that.
11. IFC Movie Theater (323 Sixth Ave.)- John Krasinski was there the other night talking about “Brief Interviews With Hideous Men,” his new movie. The place is worth stalking for that alone.
12. Ray’s Pizza (465 Sixth Ave.)- Meh, we could take it or leave it. The $2.75/slice price tag is really the main selling point. Instead, get together a group of similarly lost freshman friends and round the corner to John’s on Bleecker between Morton and 7th Ave. You can’t buy it by the slice, but you’ll want a whole pizza anyway.
13. Sing-Sing Karaoke (9 St. Marks Pl.)- Embarrass yourself all night long for less than you’d pay elsewhere. Good deal.
14. Ace Bar (531 E. 5th St.)- Admittedly, we have no idea about this one, given that our staff is weirdly devoid of sports bar enthusiasts. Check it out and tell us what you think.
15. Gracefully (28 Ave. A)- Ohmygodsogood. (They sell sandwiches, by the way.)
16. The Sunburnt Cow (137 Ave. C)- While we’re not sure we’d really call this a “Pickup Spot,” we do love the Australian accents those bartenders are sporting.
17. Cooper 35 (35 Cooper Square)- The best possible place to let people know you’re an NYU freshman without wearing an NYU ‘13 T shirt.
18. Sweet Revenge (62 Carmine St.)- Their suggestion for a budget date. Cupcakes are all well and good, but we’ve got a few much better ideas.