Since NYU isn’t necessarily the most abstinent college in the country, NYU Local is asking readers (with anonymity) to submit stories of your most debauched, promiscuous sex stories, preferably something involving foreign objects. Of course, however vile, sex diaries should be generally entertaining. We won’t vomit, I swear Dead silence download.

The following post is an anonymous sex diary, in the style of NYMag, submitted from a female NYU student.

DAY ONE:

Sometime before 7 A.M.: There are three small boys running up and down the hallway over my head. N and I are at my future brother-in-law’s outside the city for a few days before we move in to our respective apartments, sleeping in the playroom/basement. N graciously gets out of bed to distract his nephews, and I roll over.

7:42 P.M.: After a very long day of Target, groceries, dinner, and bedtime stories the kids are asleep and their parents are relieved. N and I collapse in bed. N works for a porn site, and he puts some galleries together while I research mattresses. His browser is much more interesting than mine.

9:26 P.M.: We won’t be living together during the school year, and I will miss flossing with him every night. Once I was reading Cosmo in the supermarket checkout line and it told me that we should never watch one another floss since it kills the “mystery” of the relationship. His flossing faces haven’t put me off yet.

10: 15 P.M.: We are being cuddly. Jet-lag is making me oddly chatty. It’s also hard to feel sexy surrounded by plastic slides, giant stuffed Elmos and a cardboard rocket. He goes down on me for a while, which is nice, although the heat here makes me feel disgusting. I kneel on the edge of the bed while he fucks me from behind standing up. Mmmm. I love having sex from behind. He goes down on me again after he comes. I feel greedy after three orgasms. Also, exhausted.

11:50 P.M.: We bicker about what it would be like to come diamonds. Would the diamonds be man-made or naturally-occurring?

DAY TWO:

10:33 A.M.: We are taking the train to the city today so I can pick up my apartment keys and drop off some toiletries. MTA is mildly entertaining for me still. I love trains. New York still smells like New York: reassuringly stinky.

12:00 P.M.: My room is tiny but it will fit a queen-sized bed. That’s all the furniture I need. Fuck desks. I am so hot I put things away in my underwear. N wants to christen the new place but I don’t want him to even touch me. My skin gets sweaty under his hands.

2:56 P.M.: The train back isn’t for another hour so I call my mom while we’re waiting in Grand Central. She wants to tell me that she rented Crank. I love that movie. If I had to have sex in public, though, I wouldn’t choose Chinatown. Too much litter.

9:12 P.M.: I sometimes wonder what it would be like if N and I broke up. I’ve never had another boyfriend, or slept with anyone else, and we’ve been together for five years. I think I am probably romantically retarded for anyone else. I am like a sexual idiot savant, and N is my one area of expertise.

11:07 P.M.: We were doing some hard-core snuggling, but then I knocked a glass over. We’re trying to search for a broom quietly, and N is cleaning wet shards of glass off the basement’s cement floor with a paper towel. After the floor is finally clear, I’m not really in the mood.

DAY THREE:

7:39 A.M.: We wake up even earlier so we can move in. N lives uptown so we’re headed there first. I make definite plans to sleep in until noon on Sunday.

9:24 A.M.: N’s brother is playing Steely Dan. I am slightly carsick.

12:58 P.M.: N is moved in. I am moved in. I want to cry, I am so sweaty.

4:26 P.M.: I head uptown to N’s to have dinner and hang out with his roommate, P. Because N and I are moving here from California, we didn’t bring very much with us. P, on the other hand, is moving here from Westchester County, so he brought a dozen idols from various religions and a box of plastic lucky charms he got in Shanghai over the summer. We help him unpack his incredible amount of shit. I drink a lot of Seagram’s.

8:00 P.M.: I’m back at home by myself. I’m sleeping on the futon from the living room for now, but in one week I will be the owner of a queen-sized Sealy pillowtop mattress. I will probably never leave my bed again. Once it really cools down, I plan to stay in my room with N and have sex all the time, unless I am hungry or have class. Seriously, those are the only exceptions.

DAY FOUR:

9:15 A.M.: N calls. He’s on his way so we can go to Bed, Bath & Beyond. I want to sleep for three more hours but it actually looks cool out so I am motivated to leave the house.

10:30 A.M.: We buy lots of discount cookware at T.J. Maxx, fuzzy hangers at the Container Store, and adaptors at BB&B. I am amused by the fact that you can pay for things on layaway at T.J. Maxx, but then I feel sort of classist and shitty.

12:48 P.M.: We have lunch in Chinatown at my favorite place, Great N.Y. Noodle Town. I never feel more at home in New York than when I am here. The waiters know my order, even though I’ve been away for months.

3:10 P.M.: We had to go back to BB&B to get a curtain, because I forgot and I hate waking up in the sun. I’m really tired from all the walking. San Francisco has hills, but New York feels so spread out to me.

8:45 P.M.: At Veselka with N and a friend. I’m afraid I’m going to see someone I know. I think I have to find a different 24-hour restaurant that serves pierogis. On the way home we buy brown sugar ice cream and Magic Shell chocolate sauce. I haven’t had Magic Shell since I was a kid. It kind of sucks, but I’m a sucker for morphing food items.

About 11:00 P.M.: We’re in bed, reading and listening to the noise from all the bars on the block. This futon totally sucks. I’m so jumpy from running around all day that I can’t relax enough to cuddle. I think N is irritated that we haven’t been having very much sex. I feel bad, but not bad enough. Maybe I’ll suck him off in the morning.

TOTALS: One act of intercourse; one aborted cuddle session; one broken glass; one potential blow-job.

Photo by Flickr user juli78 used under a Creative Commons license.