Once upon a time (ok last year), NYU Brocal had this lovely little series called Gridiron G-chat. The concept was simple: every week, two bros would gather around the warmth of their laptops and chat about that weekend’s games. After a season away, we’ve decided to bring it back, just in time for New York’s very own Super Bowl (yes, we know it’s in New Jersey, but it’s still ours.)
Paul: Joe, I could beat you in a typing race.
Joe: Well on the subject of beating, we’ve got to address the most important question: could a Bronco beat a Seahawk in a fight?
Paul: Joe, my sources tell me that is not the case. They point to the fact that all it would take is a successful divebomb and a beak to the back. Unless we’re talking about this type of bronco; in that case, I vote bronco as long as O.J. is driving.
Joe: That we are not. I think a bronco has a speed advantage though; it could potentially run until the seahawk gets tired and then just kick it. Broncos and kick…hard. The Denver broncos may want to look into the NFL rules and see if a literal Bronco can kick their field goals. That, along with the thin Denver air, would be quite formidable.
Paul: If the Broncos get a real bronco to kick their field goals, the Seahawks should get a real seahawk that can catch passes with its mouth/beak. In that case, 7 > 3 and the Seahawks would win.
Joe: Marv Albert just compared JR Smith to Demaryius Thomas. I quit. The Seahawks should win the game based on the fact that they were not compared to the Knicks.
Paul: JR Smith is more of a diva WR than Thomas…who smokes the most pot of all WRs in the NFL?
Joe: A very apt question since this is the Super BOWL…ba da tssssh. But if we’re talking all time, I feel like Randy Moss just because Randy Moss. And with all that straight cash, homie, he had to spend it somewhere….
Paul: Is this the part of the chat when I note that Washington and Colorado are the only two states to legalize marijuana?
Joe: Yes, way to fulfill the duties of a National section writer. Now is also the obligatory time that reference both the Buffalo Bills and former gridiron g-chatter Eric Silver. Hi Eric. Go Sports yes.
And now it’s halftime of our chat. Playing the role of Bruno Mars, we have the rest of the NYU Local Staff.
Julia Berke (Photo Editor, hat wearer, hockey fan): Who’s in the superbowl this year? (That’s my contribution…) (Also I really don’t know…)
Dana Daniels(City, Photoshop expert, and I guess a football expert): Go blue team! (Is there a blue team?) Stop Kony.
Julia Musto (Multimedia, currently down under, may or may not be from the Bay area): The Broncos nation just grew tenfold (Go Niners).
Helen Holmes (Entertainment editor, Instagrammed pictures from a Patriots game once): FUCK Bruno Mars.
Peter Slattery (Entertainment, earned my respect for actually responding to my request for Super Bowl commentary by mentioning an actual NFL team): Let’s go Bears!
Sophie Kleeman (On Campus editor, Australian Ginger, Pusheen aficionado): GO BILLS. Just kidding. American football sucks, go watch some Aussie rules football you fools. Also, Bruno Mars for the halftime show? Is he going to wear another god damn bolo tie? Aaaand that’s about the extent of my commentary. Also, I think it’s hilarious that the two teams come from cities that legalized pot. Okay, now I’m done.
Claire Voon (On Campus, wearer of tapir sweaters, interviewed a foot fetish guy once): Let’s go beers.
Joe: Now I guess it’s time to actually talk about the game itself (boooo). Anything you think we should pay special attention to?
Paul: Richard Sherman. Richard Sherman. RICHARD SHERMAN. Please oh please FOX have him mic’d up for this game. And bring Erin Andrews on board for the post-game interview.
But in all seriousness, Sherman and his fellow defensive back Earl Thomas (who is arguably a better player) vs. Peyton Manning is the clear matchup to watch for.
Joe: I think we should be on alert for any muppets showing up. Oh yeah, and how Peyton Manning handles the terrible weather that we’re legally obligated to mention since this is an outdoor Super Bowl. People say he can’t handle bad weather or win big games and this game is both rolled up into one giant burrito of redemption/shame. That also may be the greatest sentence I’ve ever written.
Paul: The week before the Super Bowl must be the best week of the year for the talking heads who get to beat those dumb themes to death. But yeah, the burrito of redemption/shame is one he will have to deal with. Hopefully for him, Knowshon Moreno can pull off some moves to help #18 out.
Joe: Brings some metaphorical antacid to the table. Now it’s time to make our predictions (complete with score!). Make sure to remember these, readers. You can forever hold them over our heads when you derisively comment about Local’s sports coverage. Who you got, Paul?
Paul: Tough choice here. But with all the focus on the matchup of Seattle’s defense and Denver’s offense, many are forgetting about Seattle’s offense versus Denver’s defense. And Seattle’s offense no longer impresses me…Russell Wilson has been subpar during his last five-plus games. And for that reason, I’m going with the Broncos, 24-17.
Joe: While I’d probably like the Seahawks to win, I picked the Broncos over the Seahawks as my preseason Super Bowl pick at this reputable sports publication. But seriously, I think Peyton will just be too much for any defense, even an admittedly impressively one, to slow down. So I’m begrudgingly picking the Broncos 28-20. Now with that out of the way, anything you’d like to say before we’re done. Now’s the time for shoutouts, if you’ve got them.
Paul: Shout out to Bruno Mars. I’m crossing my fingers his performance involves grenades and hairspray. Shout out to the Red Hot Chili Peppers, who are tasked with redeeming the halftime show after Mars’s stinker. And shout out to the Eagles, who’ve added just another nail into the coffin that is this Philly fan’s hopes for a title any time soon.
J: This is a shoutout to Hova, god MC, you all know him, that’s Jay-Z. I met him….well I saw him in a restaurant once. But really, shout outs to Jeremy and Eric, who’s footsteps we’re following in with this post. And all 6 of our readers, because they use to claimthese columns would get 5, but ours is a tiny bit better than that.
Enjoy the game ya’ll.
Paul: Happy viewing!