Unemployment is still hovering above 8 percent. The median household income declined for a second straight year. 46.2 million Americans are living in poverty. In conclusion, the economy straight up blows. And yet, Obama still leads by 4 points. Three weeks ago, Obama held a mere .3 lead in the polls. So what gives?
Well, Romney’s bumbling, gaffe-filled September sucked. It sucked so much that some declared Mitt had lost the election. Fortunately, not all hope is lost, as CNN’s headlines reassuringly indicate. Let’s take a look at the highlights for Mitt’s disastrous month.
Romney’s month of hell begins. He had previously received criticism for excluding any mention of Afghanistan and the American troops in his RNC speech. In an interview with Fox News’ Bret Baier, Romney tried to defend himself. The presidential nominee explained that he didn’t mention the troops because essentially, he didn’t they were important: “When you give a speech you don’t go through a laundry list. You talk about the things that you think are important.”
He continues: “I didn’t use the word ‘troops.’ I used the word ‘military.’ I think they refer to the same thing.” It’s just like how corporations are people, right?
What will Mitt Romney do on the first day of his presidency? Obviously get rid of freaking Obamacare, right? Like, the House has only voted to repeal it thirty-three times. When the Supreme Court the upheld health care bill this June, Romney said, “What the court did not do on its last day in session, I will do on my first day if elected president of the United States. And that is I will act to repeal ObamaCare.”
Let’s fast-forward to September 9 in an interview with NBC’s “Meet the Press”: “I’m not getting rid of all of healthcare reform.” Cue Romney aide attempting to amend his statement to fit the correct Republican ideology.
September 11/September 12
On an already somber day in the United States, riots erupted in Egypt and Libya, resulting in four American deaths, including U.S. Ambassador to Libya Chris Stevens. Mitt Romney decided to politicize the situation by falsely attacking the Obama administration for sympathizing “with those who waged the attacks.” And he was able to accomplish this all while wearing a shit-eating grin on his face.
Romney reminds everyone that he only has rich friends in an interview with ABC News’ George Stephanopoulos: “middle income is $200,000 to $250,000 and less.” According to a recent Census Bureau report, the median household income is just over $50,000.
The Romneys also sat down that day in an interview with Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan that day. But the attempt to humanize them fell flat.
Mitt explained why he would choose the lovable Oompa Loompa over Honey Boo Boo: “I’m kind of a Snooki fan. Look how tiny she’s gotten. She’s lost weight. She’s energetic. Just her spark-plug personality is kind of fun.”
Aww, see? Romney is just like…wait what? Her “spark-plug personality”? She’s “lost weight”? He likes her because she’s no longer fat and she has the personality of a spark-plug?
Romney also tried to make a joke that he wears as little as possible to bed. Just…no. I almost felt bad for him as I watched him helplessly attempt to connect with us regular Americans. But then…
The shit hits the fan. David Corn of Mother Jones releases the damning video – hereby known as the 47 percent video – of Mitt Romney speaking at a private fundraiser saying all sorts of icky things, like dismissing half the nation (47 percent) as people who are dependent on government and will only vote for Obama because they don’t pay an income tax. Romney goes on: “My job is not to worry about those people. I’ll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives.”
Note to Mitt Romney: Most of these moochers live in the South. Those people vote for you.
Other fun highlights of the video:
- There will never be peace in the Middle East
- Every illegal immigrant is unskilled and uneducated
- A great joke about wishing he were a Latino for the election
Mitt Romney is accused of “dyeing his face brown” for a Univision interview to look more Latino.
Mitt Romney, the champion of Romneycare, suggests that there’s no need for reform health care because we have emergency rooms.
In a 2007 interview with Glenn Beck, Romney stated that getting free care in emergency rooms was “a form of socialism.”
So there it is. A complete wrap-up of Mitt’s shitty September. But it’s not over quite yet—there are still five days left until we enter October. That’s more than enough time for another catastrophe to hit the Romney campaign.