The Lakers Are Pissed And Other Sports News This Week

The Lakers (who won on Monday) kind of suck this year (despite Kobe Bryant having a great year). They aren’t getting along with Lakers management, so they had a players-only meeting. Hopefully this meeting involves Kobe, Derek Fisher and Ron Artest taking shots in the locker room as they exchange grievances.

On Tuesday, Kobe Bryant issued an ultimatum of sorts to Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak telling him to make a decision about trading Pau Gasol. There have been trade rumors for Gasol all year and “all this trade talk and all this other stuff; it’s hard for him to kind of invest himself completely or immerse himself completely into games when he’s hearing trade talk every other day. Meaning: Pau Gasol is a nervous wreck. Remember the Phil Jackson days? Kobe Bryant does and he’s pissed off.

In less caustic Lakers news: Kobe Bryant did the classic Dirk Nowitzki step-back fade away shot and then told the TNT broadcasting crew that he “did it better” and was “sexier than Dirk.” Lets all take a step back and remember that Kobe Bryant cheated on his wife with 105 different women.

In other sports news:

  • Linsanity took a turn for the worse Monday night when the Knicks lost to last-placed Nets 100 – 92. It is not, contrary to popular belief, due to Carmelo Anthony’s return. It’s actually because the Knicks don’t play any defense at all!
  • Baseball training camp started this week. Pitchers, catchers and Albert Pujols are all reporting for duty.
  • Back-up Broncos QB Brady Quinn, does not like Tim Tebow. He told GQ that “The defensive backs are chasing receivers, but you only throw eight passes, so they start to feel lazy. It only takes that one play, that one big pass, for a touchdown.” Well, yeah, Brady Quinn. Nobody really cares how you score a touchdown as long as you do score a touchdown. Quinn also said Tebow’s starting promotion was bullshit and “just for the fans.” Mere nanoseconds after the article was published, Quinn backpedaled saying his quotes were misrepresented. Meanwhile, Brady Quinn remains unsigned.
  • NASCAR season is about to start! That is interesting for exactly zero NYU students. Carl Edwards, who sucked last year, won the pole for the upcoming Daytona 500 which means he gets the starting position in next Sunday’s race.
  • Raul Ibanez, who is 39, just singed a 1.1 million one year deal with the Yankees. Oh, the Yankees, signing more old guys to their already old team.
  • The NCAA basketball tournament is starting soon. March Madness may be the most fun sporting event to gamble on! This year a bunch of mid-major teams are doing really well. Wichita State and Murray State are both in the top 20. Nobody knows who they are! Everybody loves a March Madness underdog so expect an exciting tournament.
  • It’s been roughly three weeks since the Super Bowl. That means people are already starved for football. Don’t worry, the Combine starts today! What is the Combine, you ask? It’s where the top NFL prospects pump iron and run really fast 40 yard dashes on TV so they’ll get drafted higher. basically it’s skinny short guys proving they do have speed and evasiveness. It’s worth watching just for the fact that millions of grown men tune in to fastidiously watch half-naked men lift weights. Sports are weird.
  • This weekend ESPN wrote an article about Jeremy Lin entitled “Chink In The Armor.” Oh geez. Where are all your late-night copy editors, ESPN? There are tons of NYU Journalism students happy to go on staff for you.
  • In other news that shouldn’t be news: Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen are on vacation with Wes Welker and his wife Anna Burns in Costa Rica. The infamous pass-dropping wide receiver, Wes Welker, who lost the Patriots the Super Bowl. Perhaps they are solving crimes! No, it’s probably just an angry drunk Gisele Budnchen punching Anna Burns in the face over and over again screaming “My husband cannot fucking throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time!”

In NYU news…

  • Here’s some confusing sports journalism from NYU: “The New York University women’s basketball team trailed by two with 12:10 to play before #12 Washington University went on a 14-2 run to pull away.” So NYU didn’t win? Oh, they lost big? Like 76-59 big? Oh, ok.
  • The NYU men’s volleyball team is on an eight game winning streak. I bet their parties are awesome right now.

Until next week!

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3 Comments

  • Joe S.
    February 22, 2012

    What exactly is confusing about the women’s basketball story? That’s a pretty standard game recap lede.

  • Richard Lee
    February 22, 2012

    What exactly does it mean to “sing” a “1.1 million one year deal?” Also, it’s called Spring Training, not training camp and I think EVERYONE knows who Murray State is.
    Oh yeah and there’s nothing confusing about that NYU sentence.

  • Cait Raft
    February 22, 2012

    @Richard Lee – There’s nothing confusing about how much you suck

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