Politics & alcohol share a long and storied past – and with good reason. With alcohol, all the traditional staples of a boring political discussion (things like reason, patience, eloquence) are swiftly replaced by their more cheerful counterparts (things like bravado, blurred logic and/or vision).
With this in mind, tonight at 9 PM, let us celebrate our most hallowed annual address, the State of the Union, with our most hallowed college tradition – a drinking game. So fill up your shot glasses, buy a twelve-pack of PBR at Key Food, and prepare to turn even the most mundane conversation about alleged misappropriation of campaign funds into a high-octane, no-holds-barred melee.
First-year politics students, take note — this is your chance to show your roommates how your first semester totally changed your whole perspective on shit. You’ll have plenty of time to ask your adviser about those sweet political internships tomorrow — tonight, you drink and pontificate!
Before we begin, a general rule: sip your beer every time Obama gestures with his fingers (just to keep things interesting in case there’s a lull in the speech).
All right, now, whenever Obama says:
Take a shot, but do so really divisively, casting scornful looks at everyone in the room. Remember, if someone disagrees with you, they are wrong, or you just aren’t being loud enough. Don’t be shy, your opinion’s (more) important!
Shotgun a beer or two. Don’t worry, when your liver engages in a rousing battle with cirrhosis, the government will be there to patch you up… maybe.
Well, this is a no-brainer. Drink, but make it classy, this is the economy we’re talking about – maybe sip on a hot toddy with a rolled-up Economist under your arm, wearing nothing but a bathrobe. Then put your fancy jeans on and go for a walk about town to sneer at the proles in Washington Square Park.
More like fun-employment! Take a shot for 14 million poor souls – chances are they’re drinking too, and they’re paying for it with your hard-earned tax dollars. Who says welfare can’t include well drinks?
Take a break from the vitriolic politicking, and have a shot… together!
If the big guy says this, we have bigger things to worry about than silly drinking games. Finish off what’s left in your apartment, apologize to your Jewish friends, and go on a bender for a few days.