I have some bad news, everyone. Having single-handedly fixed the economy, John McCain will be attending tonight’s debate. Which means that I’m going to have to temporarily suspend my normal Friday evening routine of clubs, limos, supermodels and designer drugs to liveblog the event below the fold of this post. Truly a dark day for America. ARE YOU HAPPY, SENATOR MCPARTYPOOPER?!!

Anyway, if you too are lame and have nothing better planned for tonight, join me and fellow liveblogger Charlie Eisenhood at 9 tonight.

UPDATE: My reaction to finding out that I’m going to be liveblogging tonight:

UPDATE II: By the way, the Obama people are apparently having some kind of debate-watching event on the 7th floor of Kimmel around 8:30 or so, so I’ll be liveblogging from there if anyone else wants to stop on by. It will be THE MOST AWESOME COLLEGE PARTY EVER.

Dramatic Pre-enactment

8:41: TPM presents The Rules. Apparently, each question gets five minutes of actual debate. Which I think is pretty awesome.

8:53: CBS is here. Anyone who wants to be in the background of a live Katie Couric webcast should probably get down here before the end of the debate.

8:56: Charlie: Nate Silver over at 538 lays out the goals each candidate needs to reach to win.

9:01: One college Republican – I think the head one – just showed up.

9:03: No opening statements? Thank god.

9:05: Charlie on Obama’s first answer: “bullet points – I love it”

He’s doing that “being very vague while sounding specific” thing that all the good politicians do.

9:06: A blogger friend from DC: “Obama is starting out aggressive and he’s going straight after McCain not Bush. That was a good opening speech.”

9:08: McCain actually being less specific. “We need to come out with a package.”

That’s what she said.

God, I’m twelve.

9:10: Oh boy. “Senator McCain, are you going to vote for the plan?”

“I hope so.”

Huh? Considering he swooped into DC to FIX THE WHOLE ECONOMIC CRISIS, shouldn’t he know the contents of the resulting plan?

9:11: McCain says he’s faced criticism for calling for the resignation of the head of the SEC. Actually, he faced criticism for promising to fire him. Which is not something he can legally do.

9:13: Lehrer is a badass moderator. He’s actually forcing the candidates to address each other directly instead of talking into the camera.

9:15: Blogging friend: “that our best days shit was so insubstantial” That’s in reference to McCain’s non-answer.

Charlie: “I wonder why the regulatory agencies weren’t doing their job. Maybe because your economic guru Phil Gramm helped to slash regulatory oversight”

9:19: John McCain hectoring us about how the system corrupts people. That’s something that he is an expert in, coughKeatingFivecough.

9:23: Blogging friend: “Obama needs to hit his 95% of Americans get a tax cut way more. McCain definitely won a round with his Ireland-has-a-better-tax-system comment whether he’s right or not.”

9:24: John Cain: “McCain subscribes to the Green Lantern theory of economic, apparently”

Charlie: “Why is McCain getting caught up on attacking earmarks? Obama is talking macro-level ideas, he’s talking micro.”

9:25: We haven’t even gotten to foreign policy yet. Not even close. This was supposed to be the Foreign Policy debate.

But this is fun, too.

9:27: Cain: “we’re apparently only going to get to three questions tonight. They haaaate each other.”

…

“Which is good, because it raises the chances of an Angry Old Man moment”

(He’s an Obama supporter.)

9:28: Not to get too caught up in CNN’s stupid technology abuse, but the little reaction-rating line at the bottom of the screen is off the charts for D, R and Independents right now for Obama.

9:30: Charlie: “Based on the CNN Audience Reaction chart, Obama won this round big-time.”

9:32: Blogging friend: “what’s with McCain’s governmental and Wall Street witch hunt? Who’s supposed to like that? All that seems like a precursor to the old Republican ‘politics of fear’ game.”

9:33: Did McCain seriously just propose a spending freeze on everything but defense, VA and entitlement programs? As John Cain said: WTF?

9:36: John McCain doesn’t want to hand healthcare to the federal government. Because the market’s been doing such an awesome job!

9:37: Charlie: “Apparently, McCain is interested in cutting spending”

Very droll, Charlie. Quite droll.

9:38: Charlie: “I wonder if Obama just said “orgy of spending” to try to get McCain to get all pissed”

9:39: John McCain just called himself a maverick unironically. This is truly a sad die for irony.

9:40: We went into Baghdad, “and everyone celebrated,” says John McCain. With an orgy of spending, I hope.

9:42: Blogging friend: “Obama is doing the right thing if he’s going to mention Iraq: He’s also saying that he doesn’t want to always run and hide, he wants to fight conflicts that are winnable —Afghanistan.”

9:45: Barack Obama just took a baseball bat to John McCain’s Iraq judgment. Did he seriously say that Sunnis and Shi’ites had no history of sectarian violence?

9:47: I can’t believe we’re arguing over the difference between a strategy and a tactic.

9:48: Blogging friend: “just to clarify, a tactic is a strategy to accomplish something, a strategy is an overall plan”

9:50: “Under Senator Obama’s plan, we would have been out of Iraq last spring, before the success of the surge.”

AND WE CAN’T HAVE THAT.

9:54: John McCain is shocked at the irresponsibility of saying that he would be willing to send American troops into Pakistani territory. As opposed to his own running mate saying we might eventually have to go to war with Russia?

9:57: Blogging friend: “Obama really lands a direct hit everytime he challenges McCain’s past since McCain’s past is the foundation of his entire campaign”

More importantly, he’s going after McCain’s judgment as a leader–judgment is really a sore place to hit for McCain.

9:59: My fellow bloggers keep sending me hilarious text messages that cause me to laugh at inappropriate moments. I’m pretty sure all of the NYU for Obama people just heard me giggle loudly while McCain was talking about genocide.

10:00: Whoa! John McCain fought in Vietnam?!

10:04: Does McCain seriously think Iran might cause another Holocaust?

…

Does he understand how big the Holocaust was?

10:06: Obama just called the Iranian Republican Guard a terrorist organization. Ugh. The detestable Kyl-Lieberman amendment strikes again, and Obama’s playing along.

10:07: “McCain seems to think that anytime there’s a problem confronting our country you must visit the place where the problem is taking place.”

10:08: John Cain: “this is fairly stupid, but will probably be important tomorrow: Obama is fairly steady in his mannerisms, McCain seems condescending and annoyed”

Also: McCain can’t pronounce Ahmadinejad.

10:10: Blogging friend: “Obama set a trap for McCain with the preconditions topic and McCain TOOK IT”

10:12: Obama just brought up Spain. Ouch.

10:14: Charlie: “”Obama doesn’t seem to understand…” is McCain’s theme tonight. Terribly condescending. Not a smart STRATEGY.”

10:16: Is it just me, or did McCain just fly off the handle a little bit? He’s not even responding to what Obama said – instead he’s arguing with some fantasy Obama in his head.

10:17: Claire, in the comments:

I’m just going to replace every time they say “precondition” with pie… so that I can imagine Ahmadinejad not being aloud into the white house with pie. There. Infinitely more interesting now.

Heh.

10:19: Blogging friend: “Obama has to keep the pressure on McCain, not Bush who happens to also be a Republican”

Uh … does McCain realize that Georgia is the country that actually instigated the conflict?

10:21: Charlie: “McCain is sticking with his new Cold War rhetoric?! Georgia and Ukraine inclusion into NATO? Is he really willing to put American troops into deep, inland Asia?”

Yet Obama’s Pakistan approach is INCREDIBLY IRRESPONSIBLE.

10:24: Ugh. Did Obama just bring up clean coal? That stuff is a joke, but I guess at least the coal lobby in Illinois is happy now.

10:26: The last question is also Lehrer’s first stupid question. I guess we can’t hold one question against him, especially compared to the debate performance of, say, George Stephanopoulos.

10:27: Blogging friend: “Joe Lieberman, yeah, THAT’S across the aisle (sarcasm!)”

John McCain: “I know our allies.”

Except for Spain!

10:28: Charlie: “I disagree, Ned. I think this gives them the opportunity to talk about what we still need to do to keep us safe from terrorism. A nuclear attack is a serious threat that has been ignored during this campaign.”

There’s another way to ask that question that doesn’t involve hypothetical peering into the secret terrorist planning bunker.

10:30: John Cain: “My feeling is that this debate changes nothing. No one had a gaffe or strayed from talking points. My prediction would be that the polling doesn’t change at all.”

I feel like Obama eked out a win, but not by as much as he could have. Part of it is the expectations game – after McCain’s disastrous week, it’s a small victory for him simply for not humiliating himself.

10:34: Charlie: “I actually think Obama beat expectations. At the very least, he really made his positions crystal clear, positions I think will resonate well. McCain seemed petty, Obama seemed calm.”

10:36: Blogging friend: “I agree with John. Obama may have won tonight but it won’t boost his lead more and McCain hasn’t done substantially well enough to close the gap. It’s not over yet people.”

John: “I’m looking around the ’sphere. Libs think Obama did great and McCain was terrible, conservatives and PUMAs feel the opposite. Hence my prediction of no change.”

10:37: Wait, when was McCain in prison?

Ohhh. He was a POW. Who knew?