-Bushwick has so many new bars that the local Community Board now spends all of its time just approving liquor licenses.

-Is there even going to be anyone left on Saturday Night Live next year?

-Today is our last day of publishing for the semester, so from all of us at NYU Local, thanks for reading, have a great summer, and we’ll see you in the fall!

-P.S. We’re looking for new writers this fall, so if you’re interested please apply!

Photo of the Day by Julia Berke.

Among the 40 comments offering the poster aid, one was NYU Meal Swipes, a Facebook page that had started in March but began posting on May 4. Its comment urging students to “message me if you HAVE or NEED meal swipes” got 33 likes, and one comment: “finally.”

Since then, the page reportedly received 6,000 page views and 450+ requests for meal swipes, with the amount of meal swipes available often outnumbering the amount needed. The nascent page has a simple design, but it achieves its purpose: Those wishing to donate or receive food simply put an email address, phone number, and optimal meal times, then wait to be contacted. The page sends an automated email to two people whose schedules match, and provides “some suggestions to spark a conversation,” literally called “sparks.”

A sample of these:

Spark #8—Any tattoos?

Spark #6—What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten or tried?

Spark #16—What would your porno name be? (Take your childhood pet’s name and the name of the street you grew up on)

Because connecting with someone could be a flaky process, the website allows a user to apply for a new person every “0.25 days,” or 6 hours.

On May 7, another related NYU Secrets post came up, this one by a donor: “Secret #1881 practically changed my whole week. I found out about the NYU Meal Swipes page, got hooked up with a bunch of people to swipe in, and now instead of feeling wasteful and alone in dining halls and meal exchange cafeterias, I’m talking with people and will soon be gladly depleted of all these Flex meal swipes and dining dollars. I feel like I’m DOING something now, and it’s mostly because of this little-known/Liked page and this starving, impoverished student. I just hope s/he’s doing well now,” the post concluded.

The NYU Meal Swipes page manager ended the semester yesterday by congratulating graduates and alluding to “ambitious plans for next semester,” which he’ll be working out over the summer.

Posters have referenced NYU’s abject sense of community and claimed that the page (and NYU Secrets) had restored their faith in it. Others simply thanked “Kimmel fries” for bringing students together.

If you’re still in need of food or want to donate, click here.

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This boredom was probably one of the catalysts for Wesleyan’s “Tour de Franzia,” a confusing and insane sounding campus scavenger hunt in which participants don capes, masks, and of course, drink boxed wine. As we college students laugh, Dean Mike Whaley, Vice President of Student Affairs, is taking strict action against the upcoming event, which can be held anywhere before graduation and is announced via an anonymous Facebook profile.

The emails began (a feeling we all know too well) on April 11 when Dean Whaley emailed his students with his concerns about the event. “The event has become a serious concern,” he wrote. “Given that a standard box of Franzia contains the equivalent of 42 drinks, many who have participated have been dangerously drunk as they were running around campus and crossing busy streets.  A dramatic number of students required hospitalization for acute intoxication or injuries, flooding the emergency room at Middlesex Hospital and disrupting its normal operation.”

Emails flooded student inboxes, and the warnings and punishments began to appear. In the same email, Whaley writes that “typical participants in the Tour will be assigned a minimum of 6 judicial points.  Students should be warned that those who have already accrued points as well as those who engage in egregious behavior during the Tour may face immediate suspension (loss of tuition and this semester’s work).  Seniors who participate in the Tour will be prohibited from participating in commencement.”

Jezebel reported the story with the main angle of this punishment, the “6 judicial points.” The Wesleyan point system thus considers this drunken event the same thing as to “sexually harass or assault a fellow student.” Is this point just a way to sensationalize the punishment, or is there some truth to the comparison, that Wesleyan is overreacting to the Tour and under-reacting to sexual assault? Wesleying, Wesleyan’s version of NYU Local (Hi, guys!), responded to the Jezebel article among the many Facebook and Twitter attacks on the point of sexual assault, saying, “Here’s the thing: it is reductive and unfair to make judgments based on judicial points alone. That’s why you should look at other factors—probably arriving at the same eventual conclusions.”

The Tour prompted lengthy comments from deans, several emails, and even an email to parents asking them to talk to their adult offspring about not participating in the event. NYU Local obtained copies of various emails sent to the students, which showed how the school responded to other public safety concerns. On April 7, an alert was released following an attempted assault on a student victim. Dean Mike Whaley responded with a level-headed email to the community, saying, “Given that the suspect in the assault has not yet been identified, we will be working with Public Safety and Middletown Police to increase patrols of the campus.  While we expect that additional patrols will enhance safety, we all must remember that our collective safety depends on everyone in our community taking personal action to improve safety and security.”

The tone and urgency seems different and more distant than the administration who emailed parents and established RA checkpoints to eavesdrop on student activity. The responses are markedly different, and it’s unsettling to think that the sexual assault case is being treated as the less militant offense of the two. This could be because there is a sense of concrete prevention in the case of stopping a set event rather than fighting a guerrilla war on sexual assault, but a stronger attempt on the administration’s part for the other crimes, especially in the case of sexual assault, could be an improvement.

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Lemons-  It tasted exactly like the sweetest, freshest lemon-aid you’ve ever had. Beware, if you take too big of a bite, your body will squirm from the effects your body normal feels from sour foods. The only thing that changes is your taste-buds, not your body’s reaction to it. Your taste-buds may be tell you it’s sweet, but your body will not.

Limes- Along the same lines as lemons, only it tasted a bit sweeter. Limes are a little less sour than lemons, so it was less of a shock, still delicious though.

Grapefruits-  It turned from our greatest enemy into our best friend. Grapefruits became insanely flavorful without the overwhelming bitterness that kept us youngsters away before.

Tomatoes-  The debate about whether tomatoes are fruits or vegetables continues till this day. But with Miracle Frooties, the debate comes to a close.  Tomatoes turn into a sweet delectable fruit with just as much flavor as any other fruit. You can resume the debate after the tablet wears off.

After dabbling into the fruits and vegetables, we decided to sneak into the weird:

Tobasco Sauce-  Imagine a the sweetest fruit you’ve ever had that turns extremely spicy after a few seconds.  It was one of the weirdest sensations ever experienced.  It was strangely addictive. If you’re a fan of spicy foods, this will be one of your favorites.

Soy Sauce- sadly, salty foods are not changed by Miracle Frooties. We found this out the hard way.

Worcheshire sauce- There was a sweet undertone to it, but overall still tasted like a blast of Worcheshire. Whatever that is.

Vinegar- It tastes like juice depending on what kind you taste. Balsamic tastes a little like grape juice, whereas regular tastes like apple juice.  An interesting turn of events from one of the most sour flavors in the kitchen.

And of course, how can we forget about Alcohol:

Rum- As you can image, sweet turns to sweeter. It by no means reduces the burn, so be careful.

Beer- The lesser beers will taste like sugar water. The heavier beers taste even sweeter. With actual flavors imparted, Beer becomes a delicious cold drink.

We would suggest you get your hands on Miracle Berries so you can try it yourself. It’s a must do for any flavor nuts out there.  Maybe throw your own Food Tripping Party, or maybe win some quick cash at a bar. Either way, you should probably try them.

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Of course

But Longbow Pub & Pantry, a Welsh bar in Bay Ridge, found itself slapped with a $2,500 fine from the city’s Commission on Human Rights last year when it posted an ad on Craigslist looking for a new bartender with the addendum: “being British definitely works in your favor.” The conciliation meeting with the commission is scheduled for next month, and if the case goes to trial the fine could be jacked up to $7,500.

But really now, potentially $7,500 for saying it would be nice to have an English accent if you’re serving English drafts? In the spirit of Louie C.K., a la the HBO special: “Of course!…  but maybe…”

Of course employment discrimination is bad. And of course institutions like the Commission on Human Rights serve an important purpose as the guards against grievous displays of prejudice and racism. But maybe that’s not what’s happening here. Maybe it’s totally cool with everyone that the bartenders at a well known Welsh pub be British, or at least be familiar enough with the customs and culture to be able to adequately cater to the clientele.

We talked to the folks at three of our favorite local expat bars and restaurants to get a sense of what managers and owners of niche shops thought about the Longbow case and how they deal with the temptation of selective hiring.

Tuck Shop, in case you’re not familiar with it, (in which case shame on you, you should start walking toward St. Mark’s and Ave A right now please) is a chain of three Australian pie shops in lower Manhattan serving such godly meat pies as the Guinness Steak and Mushroom Pie. While not exclusively staffed by Aussies, it’s rare not to catch wind of an Australian accent drifting from behind the counter.

Michael Honda, the manager at Tuck Shop on St. Mark’s, said that “[Americans] come in here looking for that [Aussie] experience…. and Aussies are particular about the authenticity of their coffee, pies and beer.”

“It’s not a discrimination thing because we don’t have a specific hiring process,” Honda said. “We just go for whoever is most qualified. If you understand the product, that would automatically make you more qualified.”

What accounts for the notably Aussie staff at Tuck Shop seems to be the circuitous micro-community of Australians who come to the shop as regulars, returning to something that reminds them of home, and off-handedly asking if the shop is looking for hires– it’s a community that builds around itself. A similar case takes place at McSorley’s Old Ale House.

Teresa de la Haba (neé Maher), daughter of owner Matthew Maher, was the first woman to ever tend the historically all-male pub when she started in 1994. When asked about how a bar with such a legacy conducts its hiring process, Haba did not seem to consider it such a momentous change:

“Nobody really leaves, these guys have been working here for 20 or 30 years. They get burnt out or they move. We have one bartender who’s been here since 1972… my dad started in ’64 and bought the place in ’77. It’s kind of a matter of the right time at the right place… You have to have the temperament to be able to stay. It’s if you have what it takes, it’s if you can do the job or not. [If] we’re never looking for bartenders or chefs… we might ask [somebody who lives in the flat above the pub] to fill in.”

Noting the small, communal nature of working at a place like McSorley’s, Haba noted, “We rarely ever hire anybody off the street because we don’t have anything to offer them.” It would seem then that at McSorley’s, the work itself shapes the employee.

Across town on Greenwich Avenue, Tea & Sympathy is a small quaint English restaurant with an adjacent tea and specialty grocery shop. Here, Union Jack bunting lines the windows while a mosaic of the Queen welcomes visitors to this tiny square of English heaven. Nicky Perry is the owner of the 23-year-old restaurant, and has made it her business (literally) to prove English food is awesome and that nobody else’s tea comes close.

As for her hiring processes, Perry echoed much of the sentiment felt at McSorely’s. “Well they’re just stupid to put it up on Craigslist. I don’t advertise for stuff. If I need something, the person that comes in at the right time gets the job– if they fit in with us,” Perry said.

“We’re very small and if you come into my organization, they’re no cliques, no bitching, no backstabbing… I can’t tolerate that shit. My requirement about an American coming to work here is they have to get the humor. We English have a very different kind of humor and it can be very misconstrued and that’s quite an important thing… we’re very sarcastic.”

Perry noted that many of the non-English clientele seem to be “charmed” by the accents and the harmony between the staff.

New York City is referred to ad nauseam as a “melting pot.” In this city people of every imaginable ethnicity, nationality, creed, religion, belief, and calling are lumped together in tiny ass apartments and join the ceaseless herd of uptown/downtown work/eat/sleep/repeat. It is natural for these subcultures, transplanted nationalities and subpopulations to dig into their own niche, to create micro-communities that remind them of home.

While the establishments that provide havens for niche clientele are not necessarily exclusive, it is justifiable that they might be oriented to favor employee applicants with that shared nationality, religion, creed, etc. for the same reasons mentioned above. They need to get the customers and the product.

So thank heavens for places like Tea & Sympathy, where nearly every employee at the store front answers with a distinct English accent–with many regions in the UK represented as well.

These are not just shops that offer specialty food, they promise specialty experience. For New Yorkers numbed by years of urban whitewashing, they offer breaths of fresh air. You can get English teabags from a Duane Reade on any block but to have it brewed the right way and served with a charming side of British snark is what relieves the consummate boredom of soulless and impersonal retail. This writer would go so far as to say a certain degree of selectivity in homegrown establishments like these is necessary to maintain the authenticity of the experience.

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- James Franco and Seth Rogen used to masturbate at the same time. So…

- R.I.P. David Beckham’s futbol career.

- Yale has been fined $165,000 for failing to report sex crimes.

- Asshole does asshole thing to another asshole and gets thrown out of a play.

- Some crazy contemporary artist’s giant rubber duck deflated in Hong Kong’s Victoria Harbour after taking a tour around the world.

Photo of the Day by Rishi Bandopadhay

Whether you’re graduating and leaving the city for good, or just headed to suburbia for the summer, do something urban and make your state school friends jealous.  McKenzie and Jorge, our in-house Instagram experts, braved the 7 train and headed to LIC, the trendiest hood in Queens. Here, they tested the best ways to exploit 5 Pointz for maximum #instalikes.

You gotta bump up the contrast to make the graffiti pop. Something Jorge, a film major, recommends. Acceptable filters include (but are not limited to) X Pro II, Brannan, and Hefe. Under no circumstances use Toaster, unless your goal is to look like a n00b.

It’s important to interact with your surroundings. And McKenzie is clearly intimidated by the great street art found around here. Use the filter Willow to create a Hitchcockian, horror film vibe. Just don’t use Inkwell. Even though this filter is black and white, it’s just trying too hard, like those freshmen girls waiting in line at Webster Hall. To finish it off, frame your creation before uploading.

Don’t ashamed of a good selfie. You’re at 5 Pointz, so take advantage of it. To show off how much of an NYC biddy you’ve become, crouch down on the street. The angle combined with the art is a perfect humble brag. Use a thugged-out filter like LoFi. It’ll make your face look (almost) as good as the art.

A good group selfie is a classic in itself and doesn’t need any editing. This one has to be #nofilter. We can’t promise you’ll make it to the popular page. But with these tips, you’ll be cooler than the kids instagramming pictures of food.

Follow 4 follow?

Regarding the never-ending saga of Benghazi, the CIA admits to watering down talking points. In Washington, the Department of Justice admits to seizing two months worth of phone records of AP journalists. And the IRS admits to what they previously denied–they were targeting and rejecting an inordinate amount  conservative groups from tax exemptions.

Conservatives everywhere have steadied their targets. Get ready for the shot.

IRS

After repeated denial of allegations concerning the targeting of politically conservative groups, the Internal Revenue Service revealed on Monday that it had in fact been “looking into” Tea Party-related tax-exempt claims. Of the 300 organizations who were flagged for review between 2010 and 2012, about a quarter of them were conservative political groups with the name “Tea Party” or “patriot” in their name.

When asked if number of exemption rejects with a ‘conservative’ name was around 75, IRS Director of Exempt Organizations Lois Lerner said: “Is that a quarter? That’s correct. Thank you. I’m not good at math.”

In a brief statement Tuesday, the President called the behavior of the IRS “inexcusable” and announced that our brosef, Treasury Secretary Jack Lew, had requested and received the resignation of IRS Commissioner Steven T. Miller. He’ll be stepping out in early June.

The Associated Press

The AP discovered on Friday that the Department of Justice had been secretly examining the phone records of AP editors and reporters over the course of two months. The DOJ didn’t just snag the records from the office–home records and cellphone records were subject to examination as well.

In many cases, the DOJ will work with news organizations to ensure that the reach of the seizure is limited, but in some cases, when the DOJ fears that the U.S. could be at risk of a huge security breach, they seize without warning. The DOJ failed to negotiate with the AP before subpoenas were issued, a failure of standard practice.

Some news outlets are speculating that part of the reason for the seizure is a foiled terrorist plan aimed at attacking an airliner on the one year anniversary of Osama Bin Laden’s death. The AP reported on the story, but information divuldged to reporters may have been a massive security leak.

Attorney General Eric Holder defended the DOJ’s investigation and insisted that he had no involvement. Rather, the Holder’s next in command, Deputy Attorney General James Cole, was the one who signed off on the decision.

Benghazi

The Benghazi hearings are going to live longer than you. On Wednesday, the White House released over 100 emails detailing the motives within the administration after 2012 Benghazi attack. Talking points were altered and watered down, mostly by the CIA, regarding the Libya attack which killed U.S. Ambassador Chris Stevens and three other Americans. One of the most controversial decisions was to omit reference to warnings the CIA issued about Benghazi’s consulate’s lack of security, discovered months before the attack.

In conclusion: renaming the past seven days ‘The White House’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week.’

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Since then they’ve been replaced with new iMacs, but I still walk by the admissions center and stare at them, remember how I once believed they stood for innovation, the cutting edge of academia. Eh, a boy can dream.

It has been an absolute pleasure geeking out for all of you; thank you for letting me tell you why your digital lives are broken and how to fix them. Thank you for leaving nasty comments about why you still think Microsoft Word is the ultimate app (it’s not) and for all the PR spam about that one thing that I missed in my roundup.

My last roundup recounts some of my favorite technological transitions from the last four years. I’ve said my fair share of critical things about the University’s technology, but in all honesty I think we’re really progressing. Except for that m@th*r f*ck$n sh*t Albert.

iMac Breeding

I don’t know where NYU gets all these iMacs from, but holy hell they are everywhere. In the last few years, NYU has added one to every hallway, lobby and storage room at the University. Most of them are just for quickly checking your email, which is good because we all know that iMacs are the only — and cheapest! — computers that are capable of handling that kind of use. If you’re not graduating, do remember to watch where you walk next semester to avoid tripping on new iMacs.

Fancy IDs

Two years ago, administration unveilied their daring quest to replace 79,000 magstripe cards with a new RFID-powered card. That’s roughly 1 NYU ID card for every iMac, if you’re keeping track. According to an unofficial calculation by a Korean girl standing outside Probability, Statistics and Decision Making, waving our IDs instead of swiping them has saved each user an average of 3,230 hours. This is the third ID card upgrade since 2006, so it shouldn’t be long before the University trasnitions to VeriChips.

Albert Somehow Got Worse

Albert version 2.0 (codename Electric Boogaloo) launched in 2011 to absolutely no positive reception. The release of Albert 2.0 on April 25th caused the world’s worst tornado outbreak, which killed 348 innocent people and destroyed Alabama. It sure does suck to suck.

NYU Went Mobile

Some generous alumni got together and made an iPhone app for NYU and it was pretty exciting. Sometime since then, NYU swallowed it up, redesigned it, added an Android version and then kept it a secret. According to the iTunes detail page, customers that download NYU Mobile also download CatPaint and this ovulation calendar. (Actually, that’s not true.)

Blackboard Got Cheaper

Just as professors were starting to understand Blackboard, NYU switched over to a free, open-source solution from Sakai under the “NYU Classes” brand. They disabled all of the cool social features and tried to convince faculty that the tool was basically the same as Blackboard. As a result, nobody bothered learning how to use it so most of the improvements aren’t even getting mileage. Noticeably unchanged is the ability to send spam email to your entire class roster, which is perfect for “PR outreach” at your unpaid internship.

We Got A Twitter

Who knows what took so long — even the Pope beat us — but we finally got a University-wide Twitter. And it ain’t bad. Among the followers: this dentist from Indonesia, this guy who made a Twitter just to follow NYU and the Nicaraguan Leadership Society.

The Holy Directory

If you’re an NYU newbie (NYUbie?), you’re already used to the holy grail of all communication on campus: the autocomplete box in Gmail. Hard to believe, but a few years ago, if you copied the name of some cute girl in your recitation from the attendance sign-in, there was no way to send her a secret admirer e-card. Since we leaked the Google Apps pilot in 2011, NYU students have happily been spamming their celebrity classmates.

Peace, love and Evernote,

Ben

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