Now, I’m not trying to make light out of all on-campus crime—certain kinds of crime aren’t funny at all, obviously—but some of these cases are begging for more coverage. Why, just yesterday, “two NYU students were arrested by the NYPD for disorderly conduct on the corner of 8th Street and MacDougall [sic] Street.” What could they possibly have been doing that was more disorderly than every other student’s behavior on MacDougal on Thirsty Thursday?

Also, drugs: a student on the 6th floor of Rubin was caught possessing “what is believed to be cocaine.” I’m glad our city police force can only maybe guess that something is an illicit substance.

In Florence, meanwhile, public safety learned that “an NYU student had been threatened with bodily harm by her roommate on November 14th.” What the hell were they fighting about? The weather’s been sunny in the sixties over there! Settle down, ladies.

Going back a little further in the week,  on the 17th, “a patient and her husband were verbally abusive to a Doctor in a clinic on the 5th floor” of the Kriser Dental Center. I have no punch line to make this mental image funnier than it already is.

The day before that, “a student residing in the [Carlyle dorm] building states that when she went to retrieve a bath mat from the clothes dryer on November 15th at 5:30pm, it was missing.” The case is currently under investigation. If the thief is reading this: come on, give it back. Not only is it a dick move to take other people’s ish from the laundry room, but it’s kind of disgusting that you’d want someone else’s bath mat.

The most heinous crime this month was committed on the 8th, in the Third North dormitory. At 8:50 pm, “a Public Safety officer found a bag containing marijuana in the lobby of the building which was then confiscated.” Dude, seriously, you dropped a bag of weed? You really should be ticketed for that.

Highlights from October include: 

• Oct. 27, 7:41 pm, Fairchild Building (the place you get NYUCards): “On date and time of report, a non NYU affiliated individual was observed on the loading dock. When approached, individual indicated he was unemployed and looking for cans for recycling. NYPD was notified and after being properly identified, released.” Sad.
• October 28, 1:14 am, Carlyle Court: “At time and date of report, a non NYU affiliated individual attempted to gain access into the dorm by using a friend’s NYU ID card. Denied access/card confiscated.” Seriously? Dude tried the pass-back in a dorm?
• October 29, 1:34 pm, Hayden: “A student states that unknown person(s) drew an obscene image on her room door located on the 16th floor. It is unknown when this occurred. NYPD notified and a police report was filed.” Does anyone know what the image depicted? If so, please share.
• October 20, 11:00 am, Kriser Dental Center: “On the above date and time, Public Safety was apprised by a Dr. that at 12 noon on October 15, 2009, a bottle containing $1,500 worth of precious metal was discovered missing from a lab on the 4th floor. NYPD notified and a police report was filed.” This sounds like the backstory to a superhero movie. I swear, if Alfred Molina tries to blow up our school, I’m gonna be pissed.
• October 9, 12:30 pm, Third North: “A representative for food services states that sometime between August 2009 and October 9th 2009, unknown person(s) removed a white Huffman refrigerator, Model #GS2M5272, (Unknown value) from a cafeteria store room.” I don’t know what’s funnier: that someone actually stole a refrigerator, or the fact that it took NYU three months to figure this out.

Seriously, a bag of weed?

Well, I had been abroad where vampires were only slightly cool, but once back I got down to plugging into the psyche of high school girls, something I am scarily good at (perhaps because I used to be one, or perhaps because I genuinely adore Taylor Swift). The first Twilight’s overwrought love arcs and sweeping side-glances were a welcome departure from the “serious” cinematic endeavors that made up my Netflix queue. Twilight is good in the same way that Gossip Girl is: because its enjoyment hinges wholly on your ability to suspend disbelief and just not think.

But you see, the thing about New Moon is that, despite the hype and the trend pieces and the okay-ness of the first movie, it pretty much… sucked. Spoilers after the jump.

Before that sentence elicits a chain of “duhs” in the comments, allow me to clarify: I don’t think anyone over the age of 16 goes into a Twilight screening expecting highbrow, Oscar-worthy elements. But at least the first installment of the series didn’t bank all of its success on an oddly-brawny 17-year-old, or the bizarre facial expressions of Kristen Stewart. That’s pretty much all New Moon was: full of grating plot holes and over-the-top corny dialogue that would make even Josh Schwartz shiver, New Moon was almost insulting in its awfulness. It’s like the writers (and the new director) didn’t even bother to make sure this movie was watchable. They knew it would instantly blow up the box office and make the studio a ton of money, so who cares if the special effects were awful, or the meant-to-be-earnest glances elicited laughter even from the teenage girls in the audience profoundly enamored with the saga. I seriously believe they just didn’t give a shit. And that’s saying something, really, because it’s not like I stepped into the theater expecting to see cinema gold. I had low expectations and a hungering for cliches and campiness, but even those desires weren’t fed by this movie.

And then there’s the Mormon element, the anti-feminist element– all of those serious sociological implications that I can’t help but consider, despite my best efforts to enjoy it for the cultural detritus it is. Throughout, all I could see were the egregious symbols of virginity, and the persistent theme of restraint. Edward can never let himself fully have Bella, because he’ll end up killing her; and Jacob can’t either, because if he “loses it” for one second he could turn into a wolf and maul her (no, I’m not joking.) The last line at the end of the film betrays its underlying virginity complex: Edward finally asks Bella to marry him (remember– they’re still in high school!). This happens, of course, because Bella wants to be turned into a vampire (which is a metaphor for sex, y’all), and he won’t take her purity like that unless he’s officially committed to her. Religion!

I was really looking forward to New Moon because the first Twilight movie was so mind-numbingly enjoyable. Unfortunately, the only enjoyable aspects of this viewing experience were 1) the incredible soundtrack and 2) the manic shrieks of the teenage fangirls that clogged the theater every time Jacob removed his shirt. I have to admit– that guy is built, but even teenage boys with washboard abs get boring after awhile.

Eight students from the University of Wisconsin have now been charged with underage drinking based off Facebook photos. And you don’t even have to have uploaded the incriminating photo yourself! According to the article, “Someone else posted photos on a Facebook site of UW-L sophomores Brianna Niesen and Cassie Stenholt holding beer, but they still ended up in court Wednesday pleading no contest and getting fined.”

Is this legal? Yes. Is it ethical? Tough call. I mean, if you’re caught drinking and you’re under 21, you’re clearly breaking the law. At the same time, I’d say like three quarters of my Facebook friends (myself included) have photos—both tagged and untagged—that could similarly get us in trouble with the law. And I don’t feel good about that; it’s not a great feeling to know that yes, it’s possible that a cop is looking at that picture of you downing shots in your friend’s room while pregaming.

Also, if you’re a schoolteacher and your Facebook profile has pictures of (legally) drinking, you can still be forced to resign. The line between responsible monitoring and 1984-esque spying is blurry for sure, but I have hope that when our generation rules the world in a couple decades, stuff like this won’t be a problem because, come on, our president will probably have pictures online of him (or her!) downing a beer and goofily smiling into the camera, just like the rest of us.

Picture courtesy Newser

First of all, this movie isn’t being remade by Roland Emmerich or someone like that. No, this is being done by the man I often refer to as “the most badass filmmaker of our time,” Werner Herzog. When this guy makes documentaries, he goes to Antarctica with just a cameraman or hangs out with freaking bears. It’s safe to say that with a history of casting ensembles for his narratives consisting entirely of dwarfs, or the famous mental institution patient Bruno S. (who supposedly needed several hours of screaming before he could do a scene), working with Nicholas Cage should not have been an issue for Herzog. Well…maybe still a little bit of a challenge, honestly.

Secondly, this movie apparently isn’t a remake of that aforementioned Abel Ferrara 1992 cop-drama. Herzog said in an interview with Defamer, “I have no idea who Abel Ferrara is.” If you don’t buy that story, why don’t you do a little side-by-side comparison of the two trailers.

They really couldn’t look more different. The Herzog version, coming out this Friday, has Cage going completely and utterly mad, which is nothing new to Herzog films. You can look forward to imaginary iguanas and a good amount of intentional comedy, both of which are elements which have no place in the original version in the slightest. It’s going to be wonderful when it comes to Angelika this Friday, and it’s been given rave reviews according to everyone’s favorite fruit-related review system, Rotten Tomatoes. Go see it. What else are you going to do with your life? Watch the new Twilight movie?

Ingredients (serves six)

Instructions

Photo by Flickr user a song under the sugar sugar under the Creative Commons License

My questions include: why would Jude Law be so stupid as to hurl citrus at students? That’s bad press, dude! (Dude, Jude.) Why did Jude Law move to the park in the first place? And from the looks of that picture, Law wears yoga pants tucked into tube socks. Did he have to fire his stylist or something?! 

Jude Law, quit being a rotten apple (fruit joke) and accept the fact that if you live among fans—especially fans who came to the city partially to see people just like you—you’re gonna attract attention. Whether or not you think the students’ behavior is appropriate, I imagine that his real estate agent mentioned the presence of thousands of college students, right? For now, though, I guess you could say that students fought the Law, and the Law is probably just expressing frustration that he hasn’t gotten any good work in a while.

Washington Square News got a great quote from a student: 

LSP freshman Bryan Hall said he feels bad for Law.
He said: “He moved in next to a freshmen dorm, so he’ll always be ogled by freshmen girls.”

He says that like it’s a bad thing!

Former New York City mayor and professor of 9/11 studies Rudy Guiliani will not run for Governor of New York against either David Paterson or Andrew Cuomo, according to The New York Times. But fear not! Rudy will not leave New Yorkers to the sanity of Chuck Schumer and Kirsten Gillibrand.

The AP reports that Guiliani is “seriously considering” challenging Democratic incumbent Kirsten Gillibrand. Gillibrand was appointed to the seat only last year, so Guiliani’s OCD (btw, 9/11) might not be as heavy a burden as it would be against Schumer.

“Winning a U.S. Senate seat in a heavily Democratic New York would be a huge national story and rekindle any hope he may have,” Marist pollster Lee Miringhoff told the AP. “Rekindling” would be necessary judging from Guiliani’s disastrous run for the Republican Presidential nomination in 2008. If Guiliani has learned the lessons of 2008–for example, don’t rely entirely on having been the mayor of a certain city, on a certain day–then he could be a powerful challenger to Gillibrand. This, after all, is the man who managed to get himself elected in one of the most liberal cities in the country. Here’s looking at you Staten Island.

• If you’re a gay couple living in New York state that got legally married outside New York state, you can still be considered married here. But if you want to get married within New York state, you still have to wait for the Senate to actually, you know, vote on the issue. (Will hopefully happen by the end of 2009.)
• But I guess it’s all about perspective: a law might pass in Uganda making the “act of homosexuality” punishable by lifelong imprisonment, and “aggravated homosexuality” (like having AIDS–shame on you sick people!) punishable by–you guessed it–death. Needless to say, some people aren’t too happy about that and protested yesterday in front of the Ugandan UN mission.
• Speaking of which: you know who called homosexuality “evil”? A member of the Ugandan government! (It’s in the above link.) Do you know who else just called homosexuality “evil”? The “future of the Republican party”! Uganda, America: we’re not so different after all.
• Well, at least the Democrats have got our backs, right? Oh, wait, not the ones in New Jersey (my home state!). The Senate majority leader down there had this to say about the importance of passing gay rights legislation: “This is an important social issue that should have its day, and it could be now. If not today, tomorrow or in the future, it should be discussed.”Hear that, Asbury Park? It could be now! It won’t be, but it could, is what he’s saying.
• A new Web site aims to out gay priests in the hopes of encouraging American churches to revise their notoriously damning stances on homosexuality. It seems kind of like a joke, or the result of a night of too many wine coolers and Judy Garland movies, but whatever, I’m all for it.
• Oh and also all gay media is dying, everywhere.

Photo courtesy Google/AFP.