On February 8th, we brought you part one of our new series Local Translates Tweets. Here, we present the second chapter. Let’s start with the lovely Courtney Love – after the jump.
Courtney Love (see above)
Translation: “This morning I awoke to sunlight streaming in my window. The light gently caressed me awake and I rolled over to face my lover. We made love in the golden light of dawn and in the moment of climax it was as though we became one. It was incredible; the most passionate, most beautiful experience of my life. I do not think a human being has experienced such incredible pure bliss. I couldn’t stop thinking about our morning liaison all day so later I went to text him “holy shit babe that was an intense pounding, craz33 whoregasm!! 
” but my phone autocorrected whoregasm to organized. Fuck you autocorrect for ruining the most romantic text in history!!”
Translation: “GATSBY. Yeah, I read books, because I’m an artist. They’re what inspires my #emotional songs because I consider myself a poet. Have you guys heard my song Video Games? I’m all “for youuuuu for youuuuuu its all for youuuuu, everything I do.” That’s like four lines in a row that all rhyme, do you think just anyone can do that shit? No, only me because I’m talented and super edgy. Wait sorry g2g, Jaguar needs me to stand in front of a car for money.”
Translation: “No one ever told me that the definition “confidence” is not “punching people in the face when they don’t do what you want” until really recently. I used to think everyone cowered in my presence because I had applied “confidence” so well that I had surpassed genius and had the ability to bend others to my will. I guess not.”
Translation: “Yes, I whipped my dick out at the Disney Store at the mall but it wasn’t my fault. The voices told me to do it. They told me my penis’ name was Hornio and that he needed to break free from his fabric prison. ‘Free Hornio, free Hornio, free Hornio,’ the voices chanted. So I had no choice but to take him out, Your Honor, and that is my defense.”
Translation: “PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME GAYS I HAVEN’T HAD A CHARTED SONG SINCE 2000, I AM YET ANOTHER FEMALE ARTIST EXPLOITING GAY MEN BY MANIPULATING THEM INTO BEING THE CORE OF MY FAN BASE!!!! XOXOXOXOXOXO”
Translation: “U guys don’t understand what it is like, trying anal for the first time.”
[Images courtesy of the author.]
i love you so much paul