Sometimes, you see an ad for a movie and have to wonder if it’s an elaborate joke. Sure, disbelief might be harder to come by in a world where Battleship actually exists as a real film and not a Saturday Night Live skit. Yet for better or worse, there continue to be some films that look too good to be true, and others that looks too bad to not be a hoax of some kind.
So in previewing spring releases, we’ve decided to focus on the movies with ads that would fit right in with the fake trailers at the start of Tropic Thunder. Some of them look terrible, some of them look really cool, but all of them look so ridiculous that we’re kind of convinced they’re actually fake.
Movies That Must Be Fake (But We Want To See)
Fast and Furious 6
Based on its first trailer, the script for Fast and Furious 6 feels like it was ghostwritten by Stefon’s meathead cousin. Seriously, this movie will have it all: tanks driving through other tanks, Tyrese asking why it smells like baby oil (and The Rock responding by threatening to whoop his ass), Gina Carano, ghosts… Memorial Day weekend can’t come soon enough. Until then, we’ll be watching this on an endless loop.
Peanut butter and chocolate. Ketchup and fries. Harmony Korine and a posse of former Disney girls in bikinis. Some things just go together. Spring break forever.
Pain and Gain
This is the trailer for Pain and Gain. And this is what Michael Bay said about the film before production began: “I’m gonna do a small character piece next. I love this script. It’s well-written. It’s just great to work with actors.” The movie where The Rock barbecues a guy’s hand and Mark Wahlberg is running around torturing Monk and blowing stuff up to Sleigh Bells while a SnorriCam films him working out on the side of a building is his idea of a small character piece. Never change, Michael Bay.
Movies That Must Be Fake (But We Really Don’t Want To See)
Jack the Giant Slayer
Man, Bryan Singer. To borrow a line from Jackie Brown, what the fuck happened to you, man? Shit, your ass used to be beautiful. You went from making The Usual Suspects and two of the good X-Men movies, to directing Nicholas Hoult joylessly running away from a bunch of CGI giants in weird beige lightning. Now we’re just sad.
Olympus Has Fallen
You know your Die Hard knock-off is looking bleak when Gerard Butler is the only guy who can save the day. And of course they have Morgan Freeman in there playing the president. Because of course.
There are more good (or bad) movies coming out in the upcoming months, so let us know what we missed in the comments section.