Klarifying The Kontroversial ‘Kimye’ Konfusion

Your life may have slowed to a near halt during the glorious five weeks that were winter break, but as someone who’s at least vaguely interested in journalism probably said to you at some point in your life, “The news never stops.”

Most such news tended to focus on that weird presidential event on MLK Day as well as an interview with some washed-up druggie biker. However, some respectable news outlets were able to stay focused on the crux of American culture, that being what’s going on in the lives of America’s nobility: the Kardashians.

On December 30th of last year, we were graced with the news that Kim Kardashian and boyfriend Kanye West are expecting their first child. Shortly after, a flood of rumors about said child and its parents erupted. So, let’s take a moment to figure out what’s really going on with this ‘Kimye’ baby by playing a game of ‘Kimye: True or False.’

True or False: Kim had no idea that Kanye was going to announce their pregnancy at that concert. 

True-ish. 

It was Kanye who broke the news of this glorious Kimye fetus at a concert in Atlantic City on December 30th, pausing the music to motion to Kim and ask the crowd, “Can we make some noise for my baby-mama right quick?” Kim reportedly had no idea that this was going to occur, later saying in an interview with The Today Show‘s Savannah Guthrie, “He just goes off of what he feels. He was feeling it that night [at the concert], I guess.” However, the Kardashian Klan was very quick to express joy for Kim and Kanye on various social media accounts, and Kim nonchalantly confirmed the announcement on her blog the next morning, so who knows how unprepared she really was.

True or False: The Kimye baby was a planned thing. 

Probably true. 

In that same Today Show interview, Kim insinuated that the baby was a surprise, prompting Guthrie to ask her point-blank if this was the case. Unfortunately for us, Kim is a seasoned marketer and avoided giving a response, instead saying, “You’ll see in [Keeping Up With the Kardashians].” However, we saw in the show’s seventh season finale that Kim started taking fertility drugs, and most people don’t undergo fertility treatments while in a relationship unless they’re ready to be parents, so we’ll just leave it at that.

True or False: The Kimye baby will be an infantile TV star. 

Unfortunately false. 

While Kourtney Kardashian’s two children have both been in the spotlight since birth — literally since Kourtney yanked them out of her body with her own two hands on TV —  Kim and Kanye have decided to take a more private route with their love-child, according to TMZ. That said, it was reported that we will get to watch Kim blow up like a balloon, which is almost good enough.

True or False: Khloe Kardashian is also pregnant and she’ll be starring in an E! pregnancy-themed spinoff with Kim. 

Allegedly false. 

Last week, MediaTakeOut boldly asserted that they “have PROOF” that Khloe Kardashian is also expecting a baby (with NBA star husband Lamar Odom), and that E! is planning a pregnancy-themed spinoff show starring her and Kim. This news seemed too good to be true, and unfortunately, it appears that it is. According to an E! spokesman, “There is absolutely no truth to a series starring Kim and Khloe as pregnant sisters.”

True or False: Kim’s ex Kris Humphries has rights to the Kimye baby according to some technicality in California state law. 

False. 

Everyone knows about Kim Kardashian’s infamous “72-day marriage” to NBA star Kris Humphries, but what you may not know is that the two have yet to officially divorce. Although Kim filed for divorce back in October of 2011, Humphries subsequently filed for an annulment based on fraud, claiming that Kim just married him for publicity. As a result, the two have been in divorce proceedings for over a year. It has been rumored that if Kim has her baby — which is expected to arrive in July — before she divorces Humphries, her ex will have some rights to the baby. However, according to California law, that would only be the case if Humphries and Kim were still living together, which they’re not.

So there you have it! We hope we’ve helped to klear all of your Kimye konfusion. Now you can go back to melting your brain with that political nonsense.

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