Vices: Boredom Crushes

Am I the only one who does this? Perhaps I’m shooting myself in the foot by admitting I am not constantly intellectually stimulated in class or that I routinely eat meals alone. However, often in these circumstances I find a way to adapt to mundanity — boredom crushes.

To define, a “boredom crush” is a person you see on a regular basis in situations where the amount of other extraneous mental stimulation is bleak and manages to catch your attention for purposes of fantasy and daydreaming. Unfortunately, categorical sexual attractiveness is optional, but over time, with a lack of better things to look at or think about, you develop a “crush” on said person. I have had approximately 5 since starting college.

The most common instances of a boredom crush occur in dull classrooms, usually of the “degree requirement” sort, and latch onto the very person failing to provide intellectual stimulation — your professor. After sitting through a few of his 2 and 1/2 hour philosophy lectures, the fluorescent lighting begins to gleam just the right way on his balding head, and his faded sweater vest swells in charm as he picks off its pilling polyester wool blend.

I rarely think about Boredom Crushes outside of the situations in which I encounter them. Their average life expectancies vary but end abruptly — usually revolving around a change in routine or the return of a final grade in class.

The worst part is that sometimes you don’t catch a boredom crush for what it is. Say one day you manage to catch a friend on your usual solo lunch at Kimmel. You say something like, “OMG there’s this really hot guy who always gets a beet salad on Wednesdays. I’ve never talked to him but… oh, there he is!”

And suddenly, the scowl on your friend’s face shatters the NYU goggles that so pleasantly mediated your view of Beet Salad Guy, and somehow his over-sized, raggedy brown corduroys begin lose their luster. The excitement of possibility with which you amped your weekly lunchtime ritual is now gone. All along, he was just a boredom crush.

I’m not really sure what it says about me that I so often must find someone to be sexually attracted to in order to either stay focused (on something) or occupy my time. Surely I can’t be alone in this shallow form of personal entertainment, and it’s a good thing that they don’t get in the way of people I am actually attracted to. However, it’s a little bit pitiful, and I’d probably somewhat benefit from paying attention in class or getting homework done during lunch as opposed to staring off into the male-hermit abyss. But everyone has their vice — at least I don’t drink Four Loko.

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