Best of Netflix Softcore Porn Names

Regardless of one’s position on pornography, it has to be said that Netflix is probably not the best source. In fact, based on the names alone, the thought of anyone actually watching them is kind of hilarious. If you’re wondering just what kind of softcore-smut Netflix has to offer, well we can’t really help you with that, but we can poke fun at their ridiculous titles and inane premises in this week’s edition of Best of Netflix Instant Watch! (This is strictly NSFW, if that wasn’t already obvious.)

The Sensual Matrix

That’s right, it’s like The Matrix, only sensual. Imagine if all those gunfights and highly unnecessary biblical references were replaced with light petting and lots of almost-nudity! When a professor invents a machine called the Cybertron, it unlocks a virtual world that allows everyone to have sex with Jeff Bridges on a lightcycle. Can you say R-rated? Awwww yeaaahhhh.

Emmanuelle And The White Slave Trade

I don’t know if you know this, but according to Wikipedia, there are exactly 37 movies in the Emmanuelle series of softcore French films. That’s 11 more movies than Stanley Kubrick made in his entire life. Think about that. Okay, back to the white slave trade. This entry into the illustrious Emmanuelle series stars Black Emmanuelle, who gained prominence in the film Black Emmanuelle, White Emmanuelle (not joking), and is a spin off of the original series which included such wonderful titles as Emmanuelle’s Revenge, Emmanuelle vs. Dracula, Emmanuelle In Space, and of course Emmanuelle Scared Stupid. Awwwww yeaaaaahhhh.

Flesh Gordon

When Emperor Wang the Perverted of the planet Porno aims his sex ray at Earth, the planet becomes a sloppy, sex-crazed cesspool, and only Flesh Gordon, the lovely Dale Ardor and Dr. Jerkoff can save the day. They go to Porno, only to encounter a giant Penisaurus and other obstacles.

There’s nothing I can add to this except, “awwwww yeaaaaaah.”

Close Encounters of the Third Kind

I don’t know what this one’s about, but it’s definitely a porno. There’s sure to be some close encounters of a slightly different kind. Awwww yeaaaahhhh.

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