Dear Yahoo,

You must have missed the memo, but this happens to be the 21st century.

It’s great that you’ve been trying to improve yourself, but your new ad campaign looks like it came straight out of the 1980’s (the internet barely existed then, so how is that even possible?). The bright colors, the stupid hats, the statements about the internet being “personal” again – what were you thinking? Are you really stupid enough that you believe you can win me back like this?

I mean, sure, you’re the [PDF] “second most visited home page” on the internet (and at one point were the first!). But let’s be honest with each other: the only reason that’s true is because of your email service, which actually sucks and is one of the reasons I dumped you.

For most people, the internet is no longer the equivalent of a fashionable accessory or cool toy. It is a necessity. It’s not enough to simply advertise the internet anymore, or to act as if personalized themes and backgrounds are original. We all have internet. Facebook and MySpace cornered the market on “giving the internet a personality” years ago, and even NYU Home can be personalized. What makes your internet better than, say, Google’s? Google’s clean Gmail service actually makes me like checking my email. Yours is a mess of panels and obnoxious advertisements that just frustrate me.

You promised you would change, and you let me down. I know you said you’d redesign your page, but it looks exactly the same. And yes, I know you recently got a new CEO. But her lack of advertising experience shows, because every time I walk home and see one of your ads on Third Avenue, I want to cry, not jump for joy like Miss Stupid Hat up there.

It’s really sad that you keep trying to get my attention when I’ve clearly moved on. Take a hint, Yahoo. Don’t come back and bother me unless you’ve really changed. These attempts at originality are sad excuses for actually improving your service.

Sincerely, your ex,

Keyana