Hey there, loyal Hills watchers. This week I will be guiding you through the thrilling twenty minutes that comprised the newest installment of our favorite “kind-of reality” show. I have to admit that I had not yet seen the first of the season’s episodes at the start of this latest, but I think the brief “previously on…” montage pretty much filled me in on everything I needed to know—J.Bobby can’t commit to Audrina, Spencer remains the biggest asshole to ever roam the earth, Brody is a player, blah blah blah.

The episode started with L.C. and Audrina having some boy-talk at the appropriately named “Big Wangs” restaurant. They reminisced about how they used to pick up hot men there and then “go out after.” I’m assuming “go out after” is MTV code for “go home and fuck,” but I could be wrong. Audrina dished about how she was happy being single and that J.Bobby just isn’t the man for her, while Lauren looked on sympathetically. This is all I can really take of the exhaustively empty Audrina/J.Bobby back and forth and I will not be commenting on it for the rest of the article. Sorry.

Then Lauren divulged all the secrets of her complicated love life—oh wait, sorry I was having a flashback to an earlier season of The Hills when Lauren was actually the main character and not simply its bored narrator. Since Lauren is dating a “real actor” (Kyle Howard of the totally underrated TBS sitcom My Boys) who doesn’t appear on the show, she merely nodded and sighed at appropriate moments during Audrina’s babble, while trying not to forget her lines.

And, cue the Title Card!

We picked up at People’s Revolution where Stephanie Pratt was having a tough time as an intern. Catchy Kelly Clarkson tune, “Don’t Let Me Stop You,” played as we zeroed on She Pratt’s wide eyed and confused face as Lauren tried to explain to her how to fold clothes and write down style numbers. Then the most exciting two minutes of the episode came when NYU Local’s official favorite cast member swirled into the frame: moody, bitchy, fabulous, and dressed head to toe in black. “You can’t just leave you garbage around everywhere,” Ms. Cutrone snapped at Steph before dumping all of her folded clothes on the ground and demanding that she start over, since she had apparently sprinkled the garments with crushed saltines while sloppily snacking directly over the box. And with one final “I’m watching you Stephanie Pratt,” she was gone. Owned. Let’s hope this does doesn’t lead to a relapse.

Next we traveled to the famous alley of crushing car conversations outside of Heidi’s workplace, where Spencer was trying to convince her that he wasn’t boinking the slutty Playboy models. How many times have we heard this before? Heidi and Spencer need to scheme up more interesting sub-plots if they hope to take over as the main characters when L.C. peaces out next season.

Off to the club, where Brody talked about his upcoming trip to Hawaii where there were no girls allowed (except for the ones they would find down there on the beach, willing to throw themselves at him in hopes of becoming the skank that Brody currently had hanging all over him and making out at every possible opportunity). Other exciting club activities: gay guy sighting! Who was that cute bleach blonde that Lauren leaned over to whisper something to Audrina about Joaquin Phoenix/Justin Bobby? Isn’t it time we had a gay regular cast member (besides Frankie)? Just sayin’.

Then we went back to People’s Revolution to watch Stephanie fail more at her job, which, I have to say, was totally the episode’s highlight. The look in her eyes like she was about the vomit when she was coerced by Lauren to pick up the phone was simply priceless. Better still, was Lauren trying to keep her cool as she went off-script to chastise the intern. Maybe she forgot that it only one season ago when she left the curling iron on the fancy Parisian dress right before the fancy Parisian party. People make mistakes Lauren!

Next, was the worst episode of In Treatment ever: Heidi and Spencer’s therapy session with Dr. Mansfucker or something like that. There, it was revealed that even they don’t really know what their true marital status is. That’s pretty much it. The show ended with the girls lounging at a restaurant and plotting to join the boys in Hawaii, ending with the fateful last words, “No drama!”

What did you guys think? Do you want more Kelly Cutrone/She Pratt interaction or more staged scenarios between Heidi and Spencer? Also, what do you think is going to go down in Hawaii?