At least in terms of writing uplifting books and having enough fans to win high office.

Today, Phelps will be in our Big Apple supporting his latest work of literary non-fiction, No Limits: The Will to Succeed, which the New York Review of Books called a “salacious hybrid of Infinite Jest and 1960s Norman Mailer, with a dash of Marquez’s flair for the supernatural.”

But really. The winningest Olympian of all time will be at Barnes & Noble tonight at 7:30 p.m. for a free, all ages reading in which a third grader will likely have to narrate due to the big ol’ words Phelps’ ghostwriter snuck in there. Don’t miss it. Oh, and buy the book or the terrorists win.