Nobody Was Murdered For Nine Whole Days And Other Gifts The Cold Gave Us
/ January 28, 2013

Recent frigid temperatures may be the bane of your morning commute to class, but they’re doing the city at least one small service: Due to the winter’s chill, NYC just had nine full days without a single murder (Unfortunately our murder-free streak was broken over the weekend).

Yes, in our fair city, a week and a half without someone ending another human’s life is cause for celebration.

More shocking than the city going nine days without a murder is that we have to make note of going nine days WITHOUT A MURDER. But violence is not the only ill to which we’ve become accustomed. These freezing days have given us a few more under-reported gifts.

  • This week, only six rats were seen scurrying across tourists’ feet while they waited in line outside their favorite Times Square eatery.
  • Cat-calling was down — luckily, when even the murderers won’t brave the cold, the misogynists won’t either.
  • The ever-present stench of fresh dog urine which typically greets us on the way out the door was absent this week (Although in its place were frozen pee-puddles — dangerous, if less malodorous)
  • We didn’t have to suppress our inner Bobby Fischer walking to class as chess hustlers on Washington and Union Squares were stuck inside practicing.
  • John Sexton reportedly gave out only one hug all week. (It was to a snowman.)
  • The bag lady who screams gibberish at students on University Place cast a curse on only one freshman.
  • With most of the city indoors, the average commuter reportedly had as much as seven personal inches of space on the sidewalks — a level of individual space not enjoyed since Dutch times.
  • Despite the reluctance of cold-blooded killers to brave the temperatures, the brunch crowd was still out in full force: We somehow still had to wait an hour and a half for a table for four. (Is this above normal? Below? We don’t even know any more…)

Image via


Local Ball About Join Advertise Staff Legal
On CampusCityNationalEntertainmentMultimedia