Nobody Was Murdered For Nine Whole Days And Other Gifts The Cold Gave Us
Recent frigid temperatures may be the bane of your morning commute to class, but they’re doing the city at least one small service: Due to the winter’s chill, NYC just had nine full days without a single murder (Unfortunately our murder-free streak was broken over the weekend).
Yes, in our fair city, a week and a half without someone ending another human’s life is cause for celebration.
More shocking than the city going nine days without a murder is that we have to make note of going nine days WITHOUT A MURDER. But violence is not the only ill to which we’ve become accustomed. These freezing days have given us a few more under-reported gifts.
- This week, only six rats were seen scurrying across tourists’ feet while they waited in line outside their favorite Times Square eatery.
- Cat-calling was down — luckily, when even the murderers won’t brave the cold, the misogynists won’t either.
- The ever-present stench of fresh dog urine which typically greets us on the way out the door was absent this week (Although in its place were frozen pee-puddles — dangerous, if less malodorous)
- We didn’t have to suppress our inner Bobby Fischer walking to class as chess hustlers on Washington and Union Squares were stuck inside practicing.
- John Sexton reportedly gave out only one hug all week. (It was to a snowman.)
- The bag lady who screams gibberish at students on University Place cast a curse on only one freshman.
- With most of the city indoors, the average commuter reportedly had as much as seven personal inches of space on the sidewalks — a level of individual space not enjoyed since Dutch times.
- No one complained about Bloomberg’s soda ban since nobody even considered ordering an iced beverage.
- Despite the reluctance of cold-blooded killers to brave the temperatures, the brunch crowd was still out in full force: We somehow still had to wait an hour and a half for a table for four. (Is this above normal? Below? We don’t even know any more…)