THURSDAY

13th Annual New York Chocolate Show @ Metropolitan Pavilion — through Sunday – Apparently this is the largest chocolate event in the world. It’s okay, ladies, you can totally justify it by saying “it’s that time of the month.”

Toots & the Maytals @ Brooklyn Bowl — 8 p.m. – The Jamaican band often credited for creating modern reggae and ska. There will probably be marijuana at this concert.

LOCAL PICK: The Moth Grandslam XVII @ B.B. King Blues Club — 7:30 p.m. — I’ve plugged The Moth’s StorySlam events in the past, but if you were going to heed my advice just once, now’s the time. Grandslam XVII is the top storytelling event of the year, and because this one includes all of the Grandslam winners from the past ten years, it’s probably the best of the decade too. Trust me, that’s cooler than it sounds.

NYC Horror Film Festival @ Various Locations — through Sunday – Just in case Halloween didn’t frighten you enough, you can watch a scary movie while sitting next to some creeper. It never ends!

FRIDAY

30th Annual John Lennon Tribute @ Beacon Theatre — 8 p.m. — War is over, if you increase the troops in Afghanistan by 30,000 in the first year of your presidency.

Dave Matthews Band @ Madison Square Garden — 8 p.m. (also Saturday) – This will be an awesome opportunity to meet some really interesting high school students!

SATURDAY

Quidditch World Cup IV @ DeWitt Clinton Fields — 11 a.m. (through Sunday) – I wish I could write a witty caption to this one, but I think this writes itself.

National Gaming Day @ New York Public Library — 11 a.m. – Free board games for the entire day at the library! Why don’t you ever do that for us, Elmer Holmes?

SUNDAY

Sufjan Stevens @ Beacon Theatre — 8 p.m. – Even after deviating from his 50 states project, Sufjan is on his game now more than ever, even if I’m still not sure how to pronounce his name.

“Elf” Broadway Musical Opening Night @ Hirschfield Theatre — 8 p.m. — Will Ferrell’s holiday movie is now on Broadway. Three words: cotton-headed ninny muggins.

Boyz II Men @ St. George’s Theatre — 7:30 p.m. – If they were boyz in the 90′s, are they men now? We must start demand these types of questions!

Tim Gunn @ 92nd Street Y — 7:30 p.m. – Fashion is still fashionable, you guys.