We all get confused with technology sometimes. For some of us, this means trying to upload photos to Facebook and not understanding the “server error” that pops up every third album or so. For others, it’s starting their own blog, switching to iPhones, or cross-dressing in front of poorly-rendered iChat backdrops. But the New York Times knows that one group of people just, heh, doesn’t understand!

See, we all think that old people only care about technology if it involves “medical monitoring and protection against falls.” I assume this is what the Times means. But old people actually share technological motivation with another often overlooked by Silicon Valley: babies. The Times recommends downloading software to simplify desktops, since “Changes like fewer buttons, color-coded commands and larger type ease the Windows experience.” Also, if you cut their American-cheese-and-ketchup sandwiches into funny shapes, they’ll gobble them up! Oh, you olds. What else can you surprise me with?

“In addition to online chats, Internet-connected digital picture frames from companies like Ceiva, D-Link and Kodak allow friends and family to continually send new images, helping older or less mobile people keep up with events.” These pictured events include: granddaughter’s sixth birthday, Jimmy’s big softball win, 20th anniversary party photos, and pictures of the entire family’s guilt because no one taught grandma to fucking learn Solitaire.

“Several cellphone providers offer special models for older people, with louder audio and simplified keypads.” Um, if Grandma can’t even using a phone anymore, she sure as hell ain’t going nowhere. She doesn’t need a cell phone. Use that money to buy yourself a bottle of tawny port, I don’t know.

Finally, old people should be able to enjoy their very own memes too! Spot the only-old-people-would-give-a-shit feature of this email service:

“Presto also offers a range of downloaded messages, including Andy Rooney essays, puzzles, travel information, celebrity news and other topics.”

Old people and the Internet!