Disclaimer: we admit that this week’s City Calendar post is lacking in actually worthwhile events. Don’t blame us, blame New York or your own high expectations.

THURSDAY

• New York Comedy Festival @ Various Locations — Wed. – Sun.
  The Festival (sponsored by Comedy Central) actually began yesterday, but the remaining schedule has just about every stand-up comedian you can think of. No joke (get it?).
• Guy Fawkes Day Party @ Bell House (Brooklyn) — 8 p.m. – 12 a.m.
  “Remember, remember, the 5th of November” is a quote that everyone seems to know from that film V for Vendetta, but it also serves a perfect excuse to party in Brooklyn.
• Islands @ Bowery Ballroom — 8 p.m.
  I’ve been recommended Islands by my colleague Suri. She also recommends drinking Absinthe. Maybe I’ll take heed on both suggestions tonight.

FRIDAY

• Yankees Championship Parade @ Broadway from Battery Place to City Hall — 11 a.m.
  The Yankees win, so join the rest of New York in getting drunk, celebrating, and destroying Downtown Manhattan. If this is anything like the Giants Superbowl parade I went to two years ago, bring some pepper spray and tell your parents you love them. Seriously.
• CastReach Entertainment Industry Networking Party @ The Gates — 9 p.m. – 2 a.m.
  This party is exactly what the title reads: a shameless get-together for all aspiring actors, directors, models and general Tisch kids. The cover charge is a bit pricey, but there’s an open bar for an hour. You’ll need it when your handing out your resume… to an MTV production intern.

SATURDAY

• Program: Writing for Late Night With Jimmy Fallon @ Paley Center for Media — 2 p.m.
  The writers of Jimmy Fallon’s late night show will discuss how they managed to get the show to become actually funny. You know you’re a true comedian when your writers are publicly discussing how they managed to get you to become funny.
• Bar-athlon @ Second Chance Saloon (Brooklyn) — 3 p.m.
  Here’s the description from the Village Voice: “Apparently, drinking games are no longer just for underage NYU students. This Saturday, Second Chance Saloon will challenge domestic-whisky-experts and beer-can-free-throwers alike to prove their drinking might in its first annual Bar-athlon.” Is that a challenge?

SUNDAY

• Brooklyn Beefsteak @ Bell House (Brooklyn) — 3 p.m
  Literally a festival entirely dedicated to meat and beer. Girls, expect a few men to be attending.
• Wolfmother @ Terminal 5 — 8 p.m.
  This should be a good show, but I haven’t listened to Wolfmother much since high school. Then again, I haven’t listened to much since high school besides Lil’ Wayne’s “No Ceilings”!
• 3rd Annual Asian Hip Hop Summit @ Southpaw (Brooklyn) — 12 p.m.
  I just threw this in here to officially make this the most unexciting City Calendar post this semester.

Photo from flickr user Bread City used under a Creative Commons license.