In the post-Halloween haze of bad decisions and questionable costume choices, only that fleeting thing called love can make us whole. Well, that and clandestine hookups in public restrooms. Hello November! (NSFW.)

This recent NYU alumnus is looking for the Jew in you! Looking for a Jewish girl at NYU is kind of like looking for an Asian person in Bobst on a weeknight, which is to say, dude would do well to get a little more specific. Are you looking for: “spoiled Jewess from Long Island who still loves Coach?” or “Kind of conservative Jew who wears long skirts and keeps kosher, but has been known to get wasted to the tune of ‘Bicardi is not a shellfish’?” or “Girl who isn’t Jewish but has a Heeb grandma so she still celebrates Hanukkah?” There are so many choices in this, the city of dreams and Koreans who enjoy Stella Artois on tap.

This man is going through a divorce and will give you $10,000 to date him. He is strangely looking for either an “NYU/FIT co-ed” or a “MILF,” which are two totally different types of ladies. But who doesn’t enjoy walking out “with some spending cash or I can help with a payment on whatever”? Remember: you’re not a homewrecker if the house was already crumbling when you rang the doorbell.

Boys: public service announcement! The LL2 men’s bathrooms are finally open, so you can get that shameful handjob on whichever floor of the library you’d like. I’m confused as to this poster’s intentions: is he really just letting us know? Has he dropped hints as to his identity that you’d get if you, ahem, “knew” him? How can you expect a bathroom to remain “quiet” if you’re running around telling the Internet to have sex in it?

This straight man would like to find another straight man, to have “oral” with.

This guy just wants to smoke with some ladies of the opposite sex, in their apartments. Dude legit seems chill, though feeling “more comfortable with women” could mean a lot of things.

This man is looking for an Asian NYU girl. Just go to Bobst, dude! He says he’s “someone you want to be around,” which I’m going to accept as sarcasm because really, who says that?