I’m not going to offer any suggestions as to where you should go for Halloween, partly because I don’t know myself, and partly because the beauty of New York is that just about any bar or club will be doing something related to the holiday (in addition to any parties your friends might throw). However, I do have a couple of places in mind that I think you should avoid:

1) The parade. I know, I know, it’s a New York institution, but frankly, I’ve been for the past two years, and both times I couldn’t really see what was going on and the parade itself was surely impressive but not as visually stimulating as you might think, and it’s super crowded and there’s that guy in the spider costume standing next to you and his pipe-cleaner legs keep brushing against your face, and I am telling you that the parade is overrated. Also, not like I would know (ahem), but the cops are pretty strict about drinking on Sixth Avenue. Just saying.

2) The NYU classics: Asian Pub, Phebe’s, Slyfox, and the like are wonderful for cheap drinks (and, um, not carding), but at Halloween they get nuts and surprisingly strict. It takes forever to get your first vodka tonic, and the odds of getting a table are about the odds that one of your friends won’t be puking by midnight, which is to say, tragically slim. Why stand around in a crowded bar and drink when you can do the same at someone’s apartment? Trust me, hold off on the four-dollar drinks until November first.

3) Anywhere too far from where you live. I sound like a paranoid old lady, but stay close to your area. Halloween in the city is tons of fun, and the people-watching is fantastic, but unless there is a definitely amazing party happening on the other side of town, try to keep it local. Do you really want to take the subway at two in the morning from somewhere in the 70s or 80s decked out as Jack Sparrow? Thought not. Plus, you know, you’ll probably be drunk (to say the least), and it’s always preferable to walk home.

4) Christopher Street. Trust me on this one. Especially if you’re gay. Unless you like getting hit on by forty-year-old creepers dressed like vampires (or not even in costume at all.) Watching people do meth on the street isn’t as exciting as you might think.

Photo: Flickr courtesy of euart