Well, I had been abroad where vampires were only slightly cool, but once back I got down to plugging into the psyche of high school girls, something I am scarily good at (perhaps because I used to be one, or perhaps because I genuinely adore Taylor Swift). The first Twilight’s overwrought love arcs and sweeping side-glances were a welcome departure from the “serious” cinematic endeavors that made up my Netflix queue. Twilight is good in the same way that Gossip Girl is: because its enjoyment hinges wholly on your ability to suspend disbelief and just not think.

But you see, the thing about New Moon is that, despite the hype and the trend pieces and the okay-ness of the first movie, it pretty much… sucked. Spoilers after the jump.

Before that sentence elicits a chain of “duhs” in the comments, allow me to clarify: I don’t think anyone over the age of 16 goes into a Twilight screening expecting highbrow, Oscar-worthy elements. But at least the first installment of the series didn’t bank all of its success on an oddly-brawny 17-year-old, or the bizarre facial expressions of Kristen Stewart. That’s pretty much all New Moon was: full of grating plot holes and over-the-top corny dialogue that would make even Josh Schwartz shiver, New Moon was almost insulting in its awfulness. It’s like the writers (and the new director) didn’t even bother to make sure this movie was watchable. They knew it would instantly blow up the box office and make the studio a ton of money, so who cares if the special effects were awful, or the meant-to-be-earnest glances elicited laughter even from the teenage girls in the audience profoundly enamored with the saga. I seriously believe they just didn’t give a shit. And that’s saying something, really, because it’s not like I stepped into the theater expecting to see cinema gold. I had low expectations and a hungering for cliches and campiness, but even those desires weren’t fed by this movie.

And then there’s the Mormon element, the anti-feminist element– all of those serious sociological implications that I can’t help but consider, despite my best efforts to enjoy it for the cultural detritus it is. Throughout, all I could see were the egregious symbols of virginity, and the persistent theme of restraint. Edward can never let himself fully have Bella, because he’ll end up killing her; and Jacob can’t either, because if he “loses it” for one second he could turn into a wolf and maul her (no, I’m not joking.) The last line at the end of the film betrays its underlying virginity complex: Edward finally asks Bella to marry him (remember– they’re still in high school!). This happens, of course, because Bella wants to be turned into a vampire (which is a metaphor for sex, y’all), and he won’t take her purity like that unless he’s officially committed to her. Religion!

I was really looking forward to New Moon because the first Twilight movie was so mind-numbingly enjoyable. Unfortunately, the only enjoyable aspects of this viewing experience were 1) the incredible soundtrack and 2) the manic shrieks of the teenage fangirls that clogged the theater every time Jacob removed his shirt. I have to admit– that guy is built, but even teenage boys with washboard abs get boring after awhile.

First of all, this movie isn’t being remade by Roland Emmerich or someone like that. No, this is being done by the man I often refer to as “the most badass filmmaker of our time,” Werner Herzog. When this guy makes documentaries, he goes to Antarctica with just a cameraman or hangs out with freaking bears. It’s safe to say that with a history of casting ensembles for his narratives consisting entirely of dwarfs, or the famous mental institution patient Bruno S. (who supposedly needed several hours of screaming before he could do a scene), working with Nicholas Cage should not have been an issue for Herzog. Well…maybe still a little bit of a challenge, honestly.

Secondly, this movie apparently isn’t a remake of that aforementioned Abel Ferrara 1992 cop-drama. Herzog said in an interview with Defamer, “I have no idea who Abel Ferrara is.” If you don’t buy that story, why don’t you do a little side-by-side comparison of the two trailers.

They really couldn’t look more different. The Herzog version, coming out this Friday, has Cage going completely and utterly mad, which is nothing new to Herzog films. You can look forward to imaginary iguanas and a good amount of intentional comedy, both of which are elements which have no place in the original version in the slightest. It’s going to be wonderful when it comes to Angelika this Friday, and it’s been given rave reviews according to everyone’s favorite fruit-related review system, Rotten Tomatoes. Go see it. What else are you going to do with your life? Watch the new Twilight movie?

Let’s start with the positives. The opening performance of last night was Matt and Kim’s “Lessons Learned” with the help of some stripping back up singers (one of whom was my freshman year roommate!). This was a take on their amazing music video for the song. I will never quite understand how they keep those gigantic smiles on their faces for the entirety of every performance I’ve ever seen them do. It’s mind blowing.

Next up was Passion Pit . I really enjoy Passion Pit’s electro take on disco and I think their songs are really catchy and fun to dance to. Which is why it breaks my heart that their lead singer just cannot sing live. It would honestly sound better if they just didn’t have vocals in their live sets.

Death Cab for Cutie is a band that I’ve had a “meh” relationship with for awhile. Not that I have anything in particular against their music. I just think that I may have missed that phase in high school where I cried into my pillow every night with Transatlanticism as my soundtrack. Having said that, their performance was great. They played “Meet Me at the Equinox” from the Twilight soundtrack, which was pretty good–but then they played crowd favorite “Sound of Settling” which even I got a little nostalgic hearing.

The Dead Weather was the last act to go on and they killed it. The Dead Weather has been getting a lot of backlash from the music community as just another Jack White vanity project, and perhaps it is. However, The Kills’ Alison Mosshart’s vocals combined with his created something pretty unique I think. She’s pretty badass and I’m pretty sure everyone in the audience wanted to get down with her after the show. Plus the band pulls off the old fashioned goth/80s punk aesthetic excellently.

And let’s not forget to give credit to Diplo, who DJ’d beautifully throughout the evening. Honestly, if he had just been DJ’ing the whole night, I would have been happy. It’s so nice to see a DJ who can span so many genres and actually beat-match and not just play remixes and pretend like they are beat-matching (guilty).

On the other hand, the presentations actually made me want to kill myself. Every single person acted as though they had never seen a teleprompter before in their lives. Also, I’m not sure it would have helped even if they were all perfectly read, because the writing was beyond awful. The jokes were so bad that I don’t think one person laughed all night. Also, for the record, Pete Wentz (not that anyone cares about him anymore) looked like he’d been hitting the hard stuff a little…too hard. Also, Leighton Meester and Cyndi Lauper presented together, which could have been totally awesome. But then Cyndi Lauper made an awkward but totally validated joke about how MTV doesn’t play music anymore. Then the teleprompter tried to make her say some stupid “girls just wanna have fun” line, which was not well-received by Cyndi. She just stood there looking horribly pissed off while Leighton said her lines for her.

A little more than a week after announcing their upcoming sophomore album Odd Blood, Yeasayer played the Guggenheim show and released the single “Ambling Alp” for free download on their website. Since then, two remixes have been released, both of which are on the released single available by digital download or on a limited edition 12”.

As for the songs, I heard the Memory Tapes remix first and as such I’ll begin there. In this remix, the better of the two, Memory Tapes takes the original and makes it into an inspirational message you can dance to. Memory Tapes dissects the Yeasayer song into three separate parts all to the refrain of “Stick up for yourself, son, / Never mind what anybody else done.” Each part of the Memory Tapes song takes a distinct sound from the original and highlights it for the dance floor.

While the other remix by DJ Rupture is faulted for staying too hardlined to the original, Memory Tapes has no problem imagining the song in an entirely new way. Because of this, you’re left with an entirely different song born from the same Yeasayer material. The Memory Tapes version serves as a musical cadaver to explore the eclectic (if not convoluted) strands of the original.

Having heard the Memory Tapes version first, I was happily surprised by the Yeasayer original. “Ambling Alp” is a traditional tall tale, fit with moral and all, set in the current American musical landscape. It’s told from the perspective of famed boxer Joe Louis as he speaks to someone about his fights in the 30’s with fascist boxers Primo Carnera (Italian and known as the Ambling Alp for his size) and Max Schmeling (fought with support from Nazi Germany).

The song catapults Joe Louis (without once mentioning his name) into the almost mythical plane of Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox. Part of the lyrical success of the song comes from its ability to avoid becoming mired in a possible pretension of its upbeat message. By changing voices to a falsetto just a tad out of the singer’s vocal capabilities for lines like “Keep your mind for the time, with your ass on the line / Keep your feet, feet sliding to the side, to the side,” Yeasayer manages to keep the song gritty and dusty like American folklore.

Musically, the original is a grabbag that takes many listens to approach singularly. It stands as a worthy representation of just how musically diverse bands are becoming. Ambling Alp is an adventure through a stylistic shuffle of contemporary music. The song is able to make it through without deteriorating into its many styles because of it’s support from Joe Louis’s heavyweight frame.

In a music scene where the actual music is beginning to collide and overlap, the bands that break through are going to be the ones who bring the lyrical punches. Yeasayer did it on this song by looking backwards in time. Maybe there’s more back there we should fish out.

Odd Blood out February 9, 2010 by label Secret Canadian

‘Tis the season for music snobs to compile annoyingly exhaustive “best of the year” lists, with tons of tracks/bands we’ve never heard of. But this year is different. As the end of the 00’s (has anyone come up with a decent nickname yet for the past ten years?) approaches, we’re seeing not only best of the year lists, but best of the decade. Pitchfork, Paste Magazine, and the Onion’s AV Club have all put ‘em out.

For those feeling a bit inferior and ignorant after this browbeating, we’ve enlisted the help of the internet to put together the top three web apps that expand your musical horizons in a gentle, non-patronizing way. If you decide you want some Jack Black-style (see above) tough love, though, allow me to steer you in Pitchfork’s direction.

Last.fm

If you’re not on it, you should be. Last.fm works by tracking every song you play on iTunes or your iPod, everywhere. As the app learns more about what music you like, it gets scarily intelligent about predicting your new favorite band. It also functions as a musical social network, concert tracker, and an internet radio site leagues better than Pandora.

Lala.com

Ever found yourself playing songs via Youtube when your computer isn’t nearby? With Lala, if you have the internet, you have your entire music collection ready to play. Lala scours your computer for songs, makes a list, then lets you stream any one of your tracks at any time. Sounds too good to be true. It isn’t.

The Hype Machine

With music bloggers’ powers combined, you have The Hype Machine. The site compiles posts from thousands of blogs, and reduces all the mess to a slick interface that shows the most buzzed-about songs for the day. There is a certain risk for pretentiousness, but compatibility with both Last.fm and Twitter kind of makes up for it.

In the spirit of teenage fandom, below is a clip from SNL mocking Twilight, starring Taylor Swift.

UPDATE: It seems this performance was from Ultraviolet Live. See their 2005 Facebook group (with a Gaga mention) here. Thanks to commenter Meb Byrne for the heads up.

Five or so years later we have non-stop news feeds, branded fan pages and an average 16-year-old with over 1,600 tagged pictures. The popular trade pub AdWeek decided to bring the topic up this Monday in an article titled, “ Is Facebook Getting Uncool for 18-24s?”

AdWeek’s Steve McClellan cited a comScore report that said, “as it has gained a broader audience, the older teens and twenty somethings that drove Facebook’s initial popularity are using it less.” The other anti-Book report was from giant WPP’s Mindshare that said, the “group is reevaluating the site’s worth as a tool for developing friendships. Lastly, Huw Griffiths from Interpublic Group’s Universal McCann said, “when you start getting friended by your grandmother, I think that’s when it starts to lose its cool.”

The flip side of the debate, which is discussed after you click to page two, consisted of some really great suggestions. James Kierman from MediaVest USA “believes much of the decline in the comScore numbers is due to younger people accessing the site via iPhones, BlackBerrys and other portable devices and applications.”

My two-cents is leaning way more on the side of alive and well than on the near-death predictions. First of all, I would love to get friended by my grandfather, who by the way is rocking his second iPod and third laptop. My aunt just inboxed me on my birthday and I’m happy that she’s cool enough to realize that’s a good way to get my attention. Finally, my sister created a Facebook for my Dad years ago and he’s been in a never-ceasing-to-be-comical “complicated relationship” with one of my sister’s best friends from GW. Not to mention there’s currently a Facebook movie (starring Justin Timberlake!) in the works.

On the marketing side of things, us 18-24 year-olds are just beginning to realize that Facebook is even being used for these purposes. My friend just shot me an email about “Shabbat for 2000” this huge NYUJew event where they try to get 2000 Jews to celebrate the Sabbath. She asked me, “Hey do you know the difference between paying per click and per impression on Facebook ads?” In the college 2.0 world you can either spend $20 making 200 photocopies of your event’s flier or you can spend $20 bucks to “Promote Your Event ” to NYU students specifically aged 18-22 and only pay for the times people click on your ad or flier.

Facebook’s going to be around for a while considering we’ve invested thousands of pictures, messages and digital interactions in Zuck’s world. The same way some of us drink with our parents in real life and some of us can’t tell our parents we’ve touched a beer will translate to Facebook socializing.

Let us know what you think on the subject and check out the BBC’s “Facebook in Real Life,” if you haven’t already seen it.

(Image via)

If you’re unfamiliar with the Snuggie (or the near identical Slanket), then shame on you. The epitome of laughable products, the Snuggie is a blanket with arms attached (aka a backwards robe) for those too lazy to actually put clothes on. Weezer created a hilarious infomercial for their version of the Snuggie, a product you can order for the low low price of $29.99. And they’ll even throw in their latest album, Raditude, for free! Did you catch the part where they sold you their album? Tricky. Infomercial and more after the jump.

My only problem with this infomercial is that of the two items you get, the Snuggie is actually more desirable. If I may volunteer a few unwanted opinions here, the album itself is predictably mediocre and forgettable, and I kind of wish I had never listened to it. Weezer is pumping out some pretty boring pop here, not the good kind that makes me want to listen to it in the dark and not tell anyone I actually like it. The title was suggested by Rainn Wilson, and that’s probably the coolest part about it. I mean this album has a song with the following chorus: “I cant stop partyin…partyin.”

Nice one, what did Lil Wayne help you with that song? Wait a minute…he did? Seriously? The album has a pseudo-Indian feel to it at one point, and everywhere else it’s clear that Weezer has used other talented artists as poignant intertexts. It’s probably best if you just enjoy the infomercial:

My favorite part is around the one-minute mark, where Rivers Cuomo sips from a cup, nervously peering into the horrible abyss that one inevitably sees when wearing a snuggie. Or maybe he was just listening to the album. Your call.