Here’s the thing though: the “unit for student bikes behind Tisch Hall” that “the university plans to create… once the construction behind the building comes to a close” actually already exists. And it’s currently fully functional. (That is a real picture of bikes locked there on the left). All you have to do to get access to the glorious bicycle habitat is contact card services (212-443-2273) and ask them to activate your NYU ID to open the rather imposing swipe gate.

Oops.*Thanks to Jack, a reader of the internet’s totally under-researched content, for the tip.

And guess what?! The edition comes with deleted chapters, Creationist preaching and a very special 50 page introduction that illuminates “Adolf Hitler’s undeniable connection” to Darwin’s theory of evolution!

As college students, we are amongst the most vulnerable to be “brainwashed by Atheistic evolution” and our Atheist professors with their evil ways and deep-seated desire to destroy American moral fiber. But it’s not too late to save ourselves! Just pick up a copy of Darwin’s totally butchered book today.

Unfortunately, we swung by to grab one and marvel at the ridiculousness only to find that we’d missed our opportunity for salvation. If you managed to get your hands on a copy, leave your favorite quotes in the comments.

Going Rogue, Sarah Palin’s obnoxiously omnipresent new book has, in fact, gone rogue itself. From shooting sprees to godless sex with a heretical text, the account of “a reformer who cast aside politics-as-usual and pushed through changes other politicians only talked about” has clearly snapped under the weight of so much jingoism.

Effective November 30, 2009, Route E service – which runs from Washington Square to the Medical Center with stops along 3rd Avenue — in both northbound and southbound directions will be provided on weekdays between 3 PM and Midnight to the bus stop at Third Avenue and 14th Street.

Effective November 30, 2009, Route C service – which runs from Washington Square to Stuyvesant Town — will be provided on weekday mornings southbound from the perimeter of Stuyvesant Town to Washington Square, and these trolleys will also stop at Third Avenue and 14th Street to pick up passengers.

During the summer 2010 semesters, limited morning and afternoon service will be provided on Route E at times and frequencies similar to summer 2009.

The other day, Jess illuminated the financial gloriousness of being a part time student. This  week, let’s talk about saving a few thousand dollars a year without even changing your enrollment status.  (I know we go to NYU, so I apologize for the whole math thing that’s going to happen after the jump.)

What you’re probably doing:
Cost of full time enrollment/semester (Gallatin): $19,382.50
Credits required to graduate from this fine institution: 128
Credits a typical student takes/semester: 16
(so cost/credit is $19,382.50/16=$1,211.41)
128 required credits/16 credits per semester= 8 semesters of schooling x $19,382.50 per semester= $155,060 (vomit)

What you should be doing:
Cost of full time enrollment/semester (Gallatin): still $19,382.50
Credits required to graduate from this fine institution: still 128
Credits taken/semester= 18
(so cost/credit is $19,382.50/18=$1,076.81)
128 required credits/18 credits per semester= 7 semesters of schooling x $19,382.50 per semester= $135,677.50 (puke somewhat less) PLUS the 2 final credits required to graduate (see below), which will run you between $2,200 and about $3,200 (total), dependent on how/when you take them.

Savings: $155,060-$135,677.50=$19,382.50 (minus what you spend on your final two credits)

For those of you who aren’t really straight up “number people,” here’s what it means:

Full time students pay a flat tuition rate plus registration fee. I’m in Gallatin, so I fork over a rather arbitrary $18,293 and an additional $1,089.50 because apparently $18,293 just isn’t enough. So me and my Gallatin brethren are paying $19,382.50 per semester and typically taking 16 credits at $1,211.41 each.

The thing is, we’re paying for up to 18 credits. And if you actually start taking those extra two credits, you’ll only be paying $1,076.81, thus saving $134.60 per credit. That means saving $538.40 for every four credit class and, instead of feeling guilty every time you start to nod off, you might start feeling guilty only some of the time!

It also means that taking 18 credits per semester from freshman year onward will leave you with 126 credits for the price of 112 by the end of Fall semester of your senior year. So while your classmates are paying another $19,382.50 for a final semester at NYU, you are only 2 credits away from graduation. Obviously, it would be ideal to get those two credits out of the way in advance either through high school transfer credits, a Summer course or a Winter session class (which probably won’t seem as tragic when you’re saving about $17,000).

If you got that crap out of the way in high school, congratulations, you’re home free having paid $135,677 for your credits at NYU instead of $155,060. (Home free has, by the way, never sounded so terrifying). If you came to college with no credits (like those of us who had pneumonia during APs and, umm, didn’t do the make up test), you’ll have to spend another $2,200 or so to complete your final credits. That said, you’re saving about $17,000 and graduating a semester early, so you still win.

But all you really need to know is that you could end up with an extra $10,000 to pay for school. Here’s how it works:

First, you ask the federal and state governments, NYU, and private aid scholarship/aid providers for money. Once you’ve done that and you realize (while vomiting about the debt you’ve stacked up) that it still doesn’t cover the cost of NYU tuition, this program may be able to help you out. (You’ll probably need a cosigner with a FICO score of 660 or more.)

Just qualifying isn’t a guarantee that you’ll get the loan, though. The $100 million project goal is supposed to be based on the projected need of students in the state, but it doesn’t even come close to covering the need reported by various New York universities. NYU alone estimates $74.4 million in demand for this Spring. Of course, our demand is higher than anyone else’s.

Last we checked, not doing something obnoxious to your customers isn’t much of a reward. Whatever happened to free key chains?

*pics and review of show to come.

Behold Porn 2.0, a look at pornography in an increasingly digital age. Just a couple minutes into your beholding, you’ll meet Princess Donna, Tisch grad and director for Kink.com in San Francisco. But before you start silent-panicking about graduation and picturing yourself in some hairy dude’s basement telling two butterface girls to “do that, but faster,” The Princess has a few word of wisdom: “Almost everybody has a college degree…porn is becoming a choice; it’s not something you do because you can’t do anything else.” In fact, even a lot of the “models” have degrees, she notes while liberally applying sparkly eye makeup before heading to the office. So there you have it, kids: the old “if all else fails, I can always do porn” standby may no longer be an option. But just think of all the web porn you can watch while unemployed!

After what must have been a rousing talk last Thursday at one of Yale’s Berkeley College Master’s Teas, Franco told The Yale Daily News that he’ll be applying to Ph.D programs next year and he’s interested in Yale. We know that NYU’s only real celebrity student is a fan of Yale heavyweight Prof. Harold Bloom, having sat in on one of the author’s lectures last year. But while some might argue that being BFFLs with Bloom and the prestige of Yale make it a logical choice for Franco, we fear that his fleeing New York may be due to causes far more sinister. He was, after all, offended at Columbia’s Butler Library last week, practically forcing him to study all alone elsewhere.

Yes, you read that correctly: NYU’s own James Franco was belittled in what he described as “a little incident…that as unpleasant.” It seems that young Franco, looking only to expand his brain through the art of studying, was the victim of hatred in the Library’s bathroom. Now, before you get all excited and start talking about dropped soap, this was word-based hatred. (And by hatred, I really mean “annoyance”). Apparently a fellow student grumbled complaints about Franco’s presence in the library where “there are girls.”

We congratulate Franco’s Ivy League detractor for realizing that women do, in fact, use the library, but have no idea what his actual complaint was based on Franco’s report. Was he pissed that girls get obscenely giggly in the presence of the Gucci spokesman? Did he, as Franco guessed, think that the 31 year old celebrity who could easily sleep with the hottest women in the world was there to pick up young girls? We may never know. What we do know is that Franco was so distraught over the brief, unfavorable response to his gloriousness that he left to study in the writing building, where he had to sit “alone in the dark.”

Clearly, his life in New York is very challenging.