If this sounds like something you’d care to see, then head over to the New Museum anytime between noon and 6pm this Sunday. Tickets cost twelve dollars. Act now; your next chance to see it will be “at a small outdoor community theater in rural Missouri in summer 2010.” I don’t know how ironic that’s supposed to be.

Now, I’m not trying to make light out of all on-campus crime—certain kinds of crime aren’t funny at all, obviously—but some of these cases are begging for more coverage. Why, just yesterday, “two NYU students were arrested by the NYPD for disorderly conduct on the corner of 8th Street and MacDougall [sic] Street.” What could they have possibly been doing that was more disorderly than every other student’s behavior on MacDougal on Thirsty Thursday?

Also, drugs: a student on the 6th floor of Rubin was caught possessing “what is believed to be cocaine.” I’m glad our public safety officers can only maybe guess that something is an illicit substance.

In Florence, meanwhile, public safety learned that “an NYU student had been threatened with bodily harm by her roommate on November 14th.” What the hell were they fighting about? The weather’s been sunny in the sixties over there! Settle down, ladies.

Going back a little further in the week,  on the 17th, “a patient and her husband were verbally abusive to a Doctor in a clinic on the 5th floor” of the Kriser Dental Center. I have no punch line to make this mental image funnier than it already is.

The day before that, “a student residing in the [Carlyle dorm] building states that when she went to retrieve a bath mat from the clothes dryer on November 15th at 5:30pm, it was missing.” The case is currently under investigation. If the thief is reading this: come on, give it back. Not only is it a dick move to take other people’s ish from the laundry room, but it’s kind of disgusting that you’d want someone else’s bath mat.

The most heinous crime this month was committed on the 8th, in the Third North dormitory. At 8:50 pm, “a Public Safety officer found a bag containing marijuana in the lobby of the building which was then confiscated.” Dude, seriously, you dropped a bag of weed? You really should be ticketed for that.

Highlights from October include: 

• Oct. 27, 7:41 pm, Fairchild Building (the place you get NYUCards): “On date and time of report, a non NYU affiliated individual was observed on the loading dock. When approached, individual indicated he was unemployed and looking for cans for recycling. NYPD was notified and after being properly identified, released.” Sad.
• October 28, 1:14 am, Carlyle Court: “At time and date of report, a non NYU affiliated individual attempted to gain access into the dorm by using a friend’s NYU ID card. Denied access/card confiscated.” Seriously? Dude tried the pass-back in a dorm?
• October 29, 1:34 pm, Hayden: “A student states that unknown person(s) drew an obscene image on her room door located on the 16th floor. It is unknown when this occurred. NYPD notified and a police report was filed.” Does anyone know what the image depicted? If so, please share.
• October 20, 11:00 am, Kriser Dental Center: “On the above date and time, Public Safety was apprised by a Dr. that at 12 noon on October 15, 2009, a bottle containing $1,500 worth of precious metal was discovered missing from a lab on the 4th floor. NYPD notified and a police report was filed.” This sounds like the backstory to a superhero movie. I swear, if Alfred Molina tries to blow up our school, I’m gonna be pissed.
• October 9, 12:30 pm, Third North: “A representative for food services states that sometime between August 2009 and October 9th 2009, unknown person(s) removed a white Huffman refrigerator, Model #GS2M5272, (Unknown value) from a cafeteria store room.” I don’t know what’s funnier: that someone actually stole a refrigerator, or the fact that it took NYU three months to figure this out.

Seriously, a bag of weed?

Eight students from the University of Wisconsin have now been charged with underage drinking based off Facebook photos. And you don’t even have to have uploaded the incriminating photo yourself! According to the article, “Someone else posted photos on a Facebook site of UW-L sophomores Brianna Niesen and Cassie Stenholt holding beer, but they still ended up in court Wednesday pleading no contest and getting fined.”

Is this legal? Yes. Is it ethical? Tough call. I mean, if you’re caught drinking and you’re under 21, you’re clearly breaking the law. At the same time, I’d say like three quarters of my Facebook friends (myself included) have photos—both tagged and untagged—that could similarly get us in trouble with the law. And I don’t feel good about that; it’s not a great feeling to know that yes, it’s possible that a cop is looking at that picture of you downing shots in your friend’s room while pregaming.

Also, if you’re a schoolteacher and your Facebook profile has pictures of (legally) drinking, you can still be forced to resign. The line between responsible monitoring and 1984-esque spying is blurry for sure, but I have hope that when our generation rules the world in a couple decades, stuff like this won’t be a problem because, come on, our president will probably have pictures online of him (or her!) downing a beer and goofily smiling into the camera, just like the rest of us.

Picture courtesy Newser

My questions include: why would Jude Law be so stupid as to hurl citrus at students? That’s bad press, dude! (Dude, Jude.) Why did Jude Law move to the park in the first place? And from the looks of that picture, Law wears yoga pants tucked into tube socks. Did he have to fire his stylist or something?! 

Jude Law, quit being a rotten apple (fruit joke) and accept the fact that if you live among fans—especially fans who came to the city partially to see people just like you—you’re gonna attract attention. Whether or not you think the students’ behavior is appropriate, I imagine that his real estate agent mentioned the presence of thousands of college students, right? For now, though, I guess you could say that students fought the Law, and the Law is probably just expressing frustration that he hasn’t gotten any good work in a while.

Washington Square News got a great quote from a student: 

LSP freshman Bryan Hall said he feels bad for Law.
He said: “He moved in next to a freshmen dorm, so he’ll always be ogled by freshmen girls.”

He says that like it’s a bad thing!

• If you’re a gay couple living in New York state that got legally married outside New York state, you can still be considered married here. But if you want to get married within New York state, you still have to wait for the Senate to actually, you know, vote on the issue. (Will hopefully happen by the end of 2009.)
• But I guess it’s all about perspective: a law might pass in Uganda making the “act of homosexuality” punishable by lifelong imprisonment, and “aggravated homosexuality” (like having AIDS–shame on you sick people!) punishable by–you guessed it–death. Needless to say, some people aren’t too happy about that and protested yesterday in front of the Ugandan UN mission.
• Speaking of which: you know who called homosexuality “evil”? A member of the Ugandan government! (It’s in the above link.) Do you know who else just called homosexuality “evil”? The “future of the Republican party”! Uganda, America: we’re not so different after all.
• Well, at least the Democrats have got our backs, right? Oh, wait, not the ones in New Jersey (my home state!). The Senate majority leader down there had this to say about the importance of passing gay rights legislation: “This is an important social issue that should have its day, and it could be now. If not today, tomorrow or in the future, it should be discussed.”Hear that, Asbury Park? It could be now! It won’t be, but it could, is what he’s saying.
• A new Web site aims to out gay priests in the hopes of encouraging American churches to revise their notoriously damning stances on homosexuality. It seems kind of like a joke, or the result of a night of too many wine coolers and Judy Garland movies, but whatever, I’m all for it.
• Oh and also all gay media is dying, everywhere.

Photo courtesy Google/AFP.

Because some landlords are banning smoking in their buildings. It is their property, so they have the right to decide what to do with it, but come on! If a neighbor’s smoking is so bad that it’s really stinking up the hallway and/or adjacent apartments, then it’s definitely time to say something.

But is this really happening so often as to require a ban? I just find that hard to believe. And yes, I still notice the lingering smell of cigarette smoke, even in dorms when I knew I lived next to people who smoked inside (and, ya know, I did too), but the hallways never smelled! Is Febreze not an option?

And I know, secondhand smoke is dangerous and it’s unfair for us blacklungs (a word I just made up) to subject nonsmokers to the health hazard. But I remain incredulous that my having a cigarette in my bedroom is causing a neighbor to develop a lung disease. Not being able to smoke on terraces also seems a bit ridiculous to me. But hey, I’m not the one being cruelly poisoned by my neighbors; I’m curious as to whether any nonsmoking readers have been bothered by smoking neighbors.

Also, it’s worth noting that this policy probably won’t affect NYU students anyway, because Related Companies (the real estate group enforcing the ban in its buildings) only manages luxury buildings, and–haha!–none of us can afford to live in one of those.

Seriously, abstaining from wrestling and playing with “cars, trains and guns” makes you less of a man? What, did Hasbro fund this study? Why is any of this “worrying”? A century ago, not playing with a hoop and stick meant you were an antisocial loser stuck with antebellum ideals. Ten years ago, we all loved Warheads; they weren’t just candy—they were a test of endurance. Kids change! They lose interest in cars and toy guns and “play-fighting,” though that’s not even true for every boy–many retain their love of silly “masculine” activities through adolescence.

Also, the article casually mentions that these chemicals can also sometimes lead to boys being “born with genital abnormalities,” which should really be the crux of this piece because, gah, genital abnormalities.

Photo from Flickr user di_the_huntress under the Creative Commons License

It’s Friday the 13th. I’ve been referencing it all day because, ha, topical humor! So I thought it might be nice to relive some “(un)lucky” musical moments. And one very special treat, at the end. For your entertainment, after the jump:

Aw, remember when Britney looked like that? I wanted to embed the official bubblegummy music video but alas, all I can give you is a link. And yes, this song foreshadowed her later shenanigans. This and “Overprotective.” And “I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman.” And even “Baby One More Time”: “I must confess that my loneliness is killing me nowwww”?? Come on, we all should’ve seen her breakdown coming.

On the other end of the music spectrum, it’s The Most Important Band Of Our Time, also known as Radiohead. I never knew there was a video to this song. Man, what if Radiohead never happened? Like if Jonny Greenwood had the flu, or something. Would Thom Yorke still have conquered the world? And by “conquered the world,” I mean “provided appropriate music for me to both cry and smoke weed to.” Conquering the world, one song/tissue at a time, that Radiohead.

This concert footage simply delicious. I’d say this version is better than the original, but then, I was born after the original song was released. I saw the Confessions Tour with my plump gay friend back during the summer before freshman year of college. It was definitely the gayest thing I’d ever done up to that time, except for maybe going to this one awful club called “Colosseum,” where I once almost vomited in the parking lot. My adolescence was so cool.

Wasn’t The Drowsy Chaperone such a fun show? I mean, Sutton Foster could fart on stage for two hours and she’d still probably nab a Tony nomination, but that’s beside the point. Listening to this soundtrack is like injecting myself with one great big dose of happy, with a side order of gay as well as a hint of regret that I wasn’t a musical theatre major. It’s cuz of my big Jew nose, isn’t it? Ugh. Dance 10, looks 3. So it goes.

And, finally, canoeing is dangerous.

After the jump is a relevant music video, because it’s Friday and we’ve all kind of checked out anyway. (Kidding, Lily!)