City - Thursday, November 5, 2009 10:00 - 0 Comments
Technology for Old People Means Andy Rooney Memes
We all get confused with technology sometimes. For some of us, this means trying to upload photos to Facebook and not understanding the “server error” that pops up every third album or so. For others, it’s starting their own blog, switching to iPhones, or cross-dressing in front of poorly-rendered iChat backdrops. But the New York Times knows that one group of people just, heh, doesn’t understand!
See, we all think that old people only care about technology if it involves “medical monitoring and protection against falls.” I assume this is what the Times means. But old people actually share technological motivation with another often overlooked by Silicon Valley: babies. The Times recommends downloading software to simplify desktops, since “Changes like fewer buttons, color-coded commands and larger type ease the Windows experience.” Also, if you cut their American-cheese-and-ketchup sandwiches into funny shapes, they’ll gobble them up! Oh, you olds. What else can you surprise me with?
National - Wednesday, November 4, 2009 12:03 - 17 Comments
Evaluating the Causes and Effects of Maine’s Prop 1 Passage
Well, here we are: 0 for 31. That’s gay marriage’s track record when put up for statewide referendum in this country, which is to say, in 31 states that have put the issue of same-sex marriage up for vote, it’s been voted into illegality every single time. Maine was supposed to be different. So was California.
Some people are claiming this as a sign, as a resounding referendum on this nation’s views of same-sex marriage. You know what? It’s hard to argue with that. Gay marriage isn’t gay rights; it’s the thorniest splinter of the thorniest national social issue this side of abortion.
That’s an important distinction. Those who worry about the “silent majority” of gay rights opponents, the people you rarely meet in the city but see in the news holding signs and public prayers, have little to fear. America does not oppose gay rights. Or, to be more specific, a majority of this country does not oppose ensuring that queer citizens receive the same rights as anyone else. That’s a fact, yes.
I was really sad about Maine; in a way, sadder than California, because Cali was such a national moment, where God’s children screamed at San Francisco loud enough to bring fear back to the state. Coming on the heels of Barack Obama’s election, nobody really had time to feel sad about California. Sure, some of us were disgusted and appalled by the results, so disappointed to see California vote to deny its gay citizens the right to marry. But it was the dawn of a new day! Obama would walk into the White House, so many of us believed, and with a wave of that magic wand he used to rocket himself to victory in the election, he’d make this country understand that gays and lesbians were alright.
City - Wednesday, November 4, 2009 9:30 - 4 Comments
Defining the Autumn Look for the Seasonally Primitive
My friend Alex and I have said that we like autumn because you can, quote, “throw a sweater on it.” We came to this conclusion before the release of “Single Ladies” and the subsequent association of “putting things on it” with vague notions of marriage set to an R&B beat.
The comparison, however, works; autumn is the season for independence. If love blossoms in spring and sucks your dick in a kayak during summer, then you shed it in fall like a soggy bathing suit. You have school to worry about, and maybe a new job, and negotiating bribes for spending the night at your grandparents’ house in Long Island for Thanksgiving.
How do you project this sienna confidence to your classmates? Here’s one version of “The Autumn Look.” I encourage either a girl or someone gayer than me to make a ladies’ guide. This also assumes you’re on something of a budget.
- J. Crew’s sweaters are always wonderful, and this year, their “shawl popovers” allow you to stay warm while avoiding the far-too-prevalent V-neck or boring crewneck. Wear it over a toned-down button-down (you don’t need to buy a new shirt for this) and eschew the coat; you’ll be warm in the morning when it’s in the 40s, but still comfortable in the afternoon when the high hits 60 degrees.
- I’m linking to a generic shoe to prove a point here: you don’t need to break the bank on autumn footwear. A nice, clean (and brown? Brown is a fall color) Oxford looks casual but nice; more fashionable than athletic shoes, it doesn’t matter if your new Oxfords get a little wet in the rain or sprinkled with your roommate’s vomit after that crazy rooftop party you got crazy at because like it’s the last time you can party on a rooftop for a while: these shoes were meant to last. Continue…
City - Monday, November 2, 2009 14:50 - 4 Comments
Craiglisters Obviously Didn’t Find Love While Trick or Treating
In the post-Halloween haze of bad decisions and questionable costume choices, only that fleeting thing called love can make us whole. Well, that and clandestine hookups in public restrooms. Hello November! (NSFW.)
This recent NYU alumnus is looking for the Jew in you! Looking for a Jewish girl at NYU is kind of like looking for an Asian person in Bobst on a weeknight, which is to say, dude would do well to get a little more specific. Are you looking for: “spoiled Jewess from Long Island who still loves Coach?” or “Kind of conservative Jew who wears long skirts and keeps kosher, but has been known to get wasted to the tune of ‘Bicardi is not a shellfish’?” or “Girl who isn’t Jewish but has a Heeb grandma so she still celebrates Hanukkah?” There are so many choices in this, the city of dreams and Koreans who enjoy Stella Artois on tap.
This man is going through a divorce and will give you $10,000 to date him. He is strangely looking for either an “NYU/FIT co-ed” or a “MILF,” which are two totally different types of ladies. But who doesn’t enjoy walking out “with some spending cash or I can help with a payment on whatever”? Remember: you’re not a homewrecker if the house was already crumbling when you rang the doorbell.
Continue…
City - Thursday, October 29, 2009 8:10 - 0 Comments
Say Goodbye to Chocolate Cigarettes
Another anti-smoking measure, woo! This time, the city has banned the sale of flavored tobacco products. Forbidden flavors now include chocolate, coconut, and licorice. If anyone knows where I could have at one time procured chocolate-favored cigarettes, I’m all ears.
Since there are fewer smokers out there nowadays, tobacco companies have to raise the price (again) of your trusted brands. Beware, Camel fans.
But, you know, you really should just quit. Try something safer, like dropping acid.
Featured, On Campus - Wednesday, October 28, 2009 12:16 - 14 Comments
NYU’s Proposed Anti-Smoking Measures Are Stifling
Let me preface this by saying to all you non-smokers: I understand that cigarette smoke smells gross. I recognize the frustration of going to a school where a lot of students enjoy lighting up. And no, I am not going to argue that smoking isn’t a bad habit; it’s horrible for your body, makes your hair smell, and costs a lot of money. So please spare me the “But it’s bad for you!” lecture I receive every time I defend a person’s right to smoke in public.
That said, there’s a difference between someone blowing smoke directly in your face from a few inches away and walking by a smoker as you head into 194 Mercer. The former is rude and violates the sacred code of smoking etiquette, and yes, you’d have a right to complain about that. The latter, however, is called “living in Manhattan,” and to the person or people who complained about “cigarette smoke in front of Bobst Library,” I wonder why you chose to come to school here in the first place.
Part of living in New York—especially Manhattan—is compromise. You agree to give up a big living space in return for calling the East Village home. You put up with crowded L trains during rush hour. You turn up your white noise machine when you’re going to sleep and the tenant above you is hosting a party on a Friday night. In short, you deal with things you don’t particularly like, because you understand that you live on a small island with a million and a half other people who, like you, are just trying to get through their day without driving themselves crazy. One of the ways many New Yorkers (and the students who study among them, if you feel the need to make that distinction) do that is by smoking. And you have no right to take that privilege away from us.
On Campus - Monday, October 26, 2009 14:05 - 2 Comments
Roundup of NYU-Related Craigslist Personals
Sometimes, I just type “NYU” in the Craigslist search box and go at it. Not like I’m looking for anything like that. In case you are, however, I’ve done some research for you.
Applying to grad school? Looking to finish your Ph.D? There are men who will clean your apartment and engage in no-strings-attached sex with you, even all the way in the Upper West Side! He’s looking for a Murphy Brown-type woman next, so ladies, don’t fret about the future of journalism — he is standing before you, hoping that you’re in your late 40s. I really believe he’ll accept any takers.
Hey you! Yes, you, the one with the American Apparel briefs and apathy towards sexual diseases: you left your friend hanging! You gave this dude a hand job in the 5th floor men’s bathroom of Bobst back in August and didn’t even ask for his number after. Jerk. Now’s your chance to make it up to him.
Continue…
City - Thursday, October 22, 2009 8:12 - 4 Comments
Bernie Madoff Throws The Same Kind of Parties Your Suitemate in Hayden Did
Topless women, irresponsible cash flow, rampant cocaine usage: I could be talking about many things here, but this time it’s Bernie Madoff.
Bernie’s office was filled with so much cocaine, it was apparently dubbed “The North Pole.” Seriously, this could be about so many NYU dorms on any given weekend. Let’s see what parallels we can draw!
There were “trysts on the office couch,” which is totally like the time your roommate sexiled you so the guy you met at Burrito Loco started going down on you in the bathroom. You make do with what you have in this city, city of dreams and trysts on the office couch.
Also, “Madoff would send a messenger to buy drugs ‘for himself and the company,” which is just like the delivery service you use to get weed at 7pm on a Wednesday.
The cocaine speaks for itself, I think.
Continue…
Featured, National - Tuesday, October 20, 2009 10:43 - 0 Comments
Did You Know That the Environment Is A Mess?
Hi. Did you know there are many things wrong with our environment? It’s true! We all might die. Here’s what’s going on this week:
Exxon Mobil was just found guilty of polluting the drinking water in Queens. Despite the fact that it was found guilty, the company is still “considering its legal options.” If you live in Queens, you should maybe consider getting a Brita filter.
Drilling for natural gas in the Marcellus Shale, which runs through a good part of the East Coast, may irreparably damage our drinking water. Everyone knows this is a grave risk, but there’ll probably be little regulation of the drilling anyway because, come on, the people need their Appalachian-produced natural gas. God. Continue…
City - Thursday, October 8, 2009 9:30 - 5 Comments
Join The Cool Crowd At The Brooklyn Flea Market
Every Sunday, the Brooklyn Flea Market sets up in Dumbo right underneath the Brooklyn Bridge. Why is it so awesome? Let me count the ways!
For one thing, some of the clothing there is unbelievably marked down. I got a great — I think it’s great — cardigan for $20, but I recently spotted a very similar one in a vintage store in SoHo for well more than 20 (as in, add another zero). While you’re going to run into the occasional and inevitable Overpriced Item Nobody Would Have Any Use For — i.e. a card holder made out of old newsprint for $20; an admittedly cute but not-worth-$100 woven straw messenger bag — for the most part, it’s deals, deals, deals underneath the bridge. A couple booths take credit cards, but come with cash. Lots of cash.
